I have to admit I have been a little obsessed with a song lately...."Say Something" a little duet with A Great Big World and Christina Aguilera. This song rips my heart into pieces for so many reasons....but most of all I think I have listened to it enough to finally know why this song effects me so. At first, my heart and mind tied this song to a person from my past for many reasons but the biggest reason was because I walked away from him because......I loved someone more...my ex-husband and my boys. When I had the ah-ha moment I was driving down the road and the song came on. I felt choked up again and had to pull over to the side of the road.
You see tears flow easily however tears that are held back for too long burn and are so heavy with weight that a blurred vision sets in. At that moment I realized why this song impacted me. This song had nothing to do with another person it had to do with me. Because I walked away from my marriage. Yes...I know it takes two to tango but I gave up. Threw in the towel and didn't want to fight any more. Didn't want to feel the way I did anymore. I felt hurt, confused and most of all tired. When I told him how I felt...we came to realize we felt the same. But I look back now......
So here is my two cents...for what it is worth (since my ex-husband and I are remarried to each other), I'd say that my words might be worth every penny. Here it is..... DON'T GIVE UP. Say something, say anything, but talk to each other. This is the person you are to love and hold for the rest of your life. I know we get tied up in our jobs, money, the kids, school, what ever it could possibly be....talk to your best partner, you know the one you lay down next to every night. I have friends right now that are past this point. Separation or divorce is imminent. But if you are going just day by day and want to be happy in your relationship with your spouse then by all means.....do something about it. I hear folks that talk about their pains and being tired and such once the kids go down and it is their only time to themselves. Well guess what.....that is the only time for your spouse as well. Make time together, take time together. It is as simple as telling the kids to go play and enjoy a cup of coffee together. Or go out together with out friends. Time for each other.
We have all these new years resolutions...to better ourselves....blah, blah. That is great! Please I encourage you to keep these goals. But make another one this year, a goal to grow your relationship. Even if you think you have a great relationship.....make it better! If your stuck, then make time together. If you need to go to therapy, find someone that will listen to BOTH sides. Make it a team effort and an effort for God. Put God at the center of your relationship and if you don't know where to start....well put your hands together, bow your head and ask God for help. Because folks it is sooooo easy to say "Say something, I'm giving up on you....", but it takes extreme effort to grow your relationship with your spouse. Don't swallow your pride, stand up and tell the person you are supposed to love that you love them.
Now I'm rambling, so I'm done. Because I think if I listen to this dang song that is on repeat on my iphone ....I'm might puke (we are talking 50+ times).
Say something because I'm going to fight for you. Please and thank you.
Thursday, January 2, 2014
Monday, December 30, 2013
Cleaning out myself!!!!
Today I woke with the desire to be better. Most likely due to the new year upon us and such. However, waking up and saying I'm going to be better, do better, blah, blah can be a bit overwhelming. I'm sure you asking yourself well how do you want to be better, do better? Folks, everything! Right!? Isn't that the logical answer with the new year almost here? Everything. SO OVERWHELMING. I stopped and asked myself "what exactly did I want to be better and what do I need to be better? What in my life could be better by changes I make? Most of all what can't I change?"
So....I decided to clean under my bathroom sink. Dirty, cluttered, unorganized and I had no clue what was in there. Yes, of course, the essentials were there such as my make-up drawer, deodorant and stuff....STUFF. As I started this task I thought I would simply clean out a little three drawer system I had and call it a day. However, the further I got into it, I realized that I had to do it all. OCD, well maybe (shrugging my shoulders, we all have faults). Three drawer system was emptied on the counter and I washed the drawers as I could not for the life of me remember the last time I washed the drawers. As I peered back under the sink all I saw was a bunch of stuff, stuff and more stuff. Shaking my head I knew I had to go through it but where do I start. Light bulb moment. Hey this is kind of like starting over, making better. By looking at all my stuff and deciding what will stay, what will go and will I ever use it again. Painful as this process maybe, yes the improving my life and cleaning my cabinet. I think when we feel the need to step forward in a better light we look at everything and don't know where to start. I also feel as I started to take things out of the cabinet trying to decide whether to keep or get rid of it the task became even more overwhelming. I put a kibosh on that and decided to take it all out, place on the floor and give the cabinet a good wash out and start with a clean slate. Crap, if life was only that easy.....or is it....I think we often hold onto things in our hearts even though we have asked God to forgive us of our sins and let us walk forward with a clean slate.
Cabinet cleaned out....floor a complete disaster. As I looked upon the objects on the floor I realized a few things about myself. (Ya, I probably already knew this stuff, but at times I need a reminder) I keep things in hopes that I will get into that habit to be better but I never ever do it or continue to do it once I start. Example, lotion, I am not a lotion person. I actually envy the ladies that are good about taking care of their skin. I'm the one whose dress pants in the winter are static clung to my legs because my legs are soo dry. SMH. But I keep small bottles of lotion. Why, I really don't know. Folks, I even make sure I have lotion in my travel bag....just in case I may feel the need to slather on vacation. Who am I kidding? LOL. Anybody else do this? Keep things around because one day, you may get around to do it. Crafts, tailoring or even...loss the weight enough to get back into those size 2 pants. Why, do we keep this stuff that we know good and well we are not going to do it. (Disclaimer, you can loss weight but I know when I was a size 2/0 I hardly ate and took terrible care of myself. Now if you are one to take good care of yourself and work out and are a size 2/0, I'm not saying anything is wrong with it. Kudos) To be honest, I did get rid of some lotions and slathered my hands and elbows with a fabulous Burt's Bees hand crème. I can't seem to let go completely of these lotions but I'm okay with this.
I guess what I'm getting at is be careful as to the things you hold onto. Examine your relationships with people, with your stuff and most of all examine your relationship with Christ. I'm holding onto stuff in my heart that is holding me back in progressing forward in certain relationships in my life. Philippians 3:13, "13 No, dear brothers, I am still not all I should be, but I am bringing all my energies to bear on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead". Christ speaks to this that we have to look forward not being tied down to our past as He has forgiven our past. Move on. Easier said than done. But as this new years sneaks up on us don't let the devil sneak up on you and hold you hostage to your past. You will lose.
My trashcan is full of stuff and my cabinet is cleaned and reorganized. I'm shocked by the things I let go and really shocked by the number of small dental flosses and hand sanitizers I have. I feel like I'm going to stop examining my past events in my life so closely that is over consumes my thoughts. Instead, know that my past is there, recognize it but not let it control how I move forward. In the moments that I feel my past creeping up in my thought process to ruin a moment in my life, I'm going to God in prayer to keep me focusing forward.
Ephesians 4:24 - and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.
So....I decided to clean under my bathroom sink. Dirty, cluttered, unorganized and I had no clue what was in there. Yes, of course, the essentials were there such as my make-up drawer, deodorant and stuff....STUFF. As I started this task I thought I would simply clean out a little three drawer system I had and call it a day. However, the further I got into it, I realized that I had to do it all. OCD, well maybe (shrugging my shoulders, we all have faults). Three drawer system was emptied on the counter and I washed the drawers as I could not for the life of me remember the last time I washed the drawers. As I peered back under the sink all I saw was a bunch of stuff, stuff and more stuff. Shaking my head I knew I had to go through it but where do I start. Light bulb moment. Hey this is kind of like starting over, making better. By looking at all my stuff and deciding what will stay, what will go and will I ever use it again. Painful as this process maybe, yes the improving my life and cleaning my cabinet. I think when we feel the need to step forward in a better light we look at everything and don't know where to start. I also feel as I started to take things out of the cabinet trying to decide whether to keep or get rid of it the task became even more overwhelming. I put a kibosh on that and decided to take it all out, place on the floor and give the cabinet a good wash out and start with a clean slate. Crap, if life was only that easy.....or is it....I think we often hold onto things in our hearts even though we have asked God to forgive us of our sins and let us walk forward with a clean slate.
Cabinet cleaned out....floor a complete disaster. As I looked upon the objects on the floor I realized a few things about myself. (Ya, I probably already knew this stuff, but at times I need a reminder) I keep things in hopes that I will get into that habit to be better but I never ever do it or continue to do it once I start. Example, lotion, I am not a lotion person. I actually envy the ladies that are good about taking care of their skin. I'm the one whose dress pants in the winter are static clung to my legs because my legs are soo dry. SMH. But I keep small bottles of lotion. Why, I really don't know. Folks, I even make sure I have lotion in my travel bag....just in case I may feel the need to slather on vacation. Who am I kidding? LOL. Anybody else do this? Keep things around because one day, you may get around to do it. Crafts, tailoring or even...loss the weight enough to get back into those size 2 pants. Why, do we keep this stuff that we know good and well we are not going to do it. (Disclaimer, you can loss weight but I know when I was a size 2/0 I hardly ate and took terrible care of myself. Now if you are one to take good care of yourself and work out and are a size 2/0, I'm not saying anything is wrong with it. Kudos) To be honest, I did get rid of some lotions and slathered my hands and elbows with a fabulous Burt's Bees hand crème. I can't seem to let go completely of these lotions but I'm okay with this.
I guess what I'm getting at is be careful as to the things you hold onto. Examine your relationships with people, with your stuff and most of all examine your relationship with Christ. I'm holding onto stuff in my heart that is holding me back in progressing forward in certain relationships in my life. Philippians 3:13, "13 No, dear brothers, I am still not all I should be, but I am bringing all my energies to bear on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead". Christ speaks to this that we have to look forward not being tied down to our past as He has forgiven our past. Move on. Easier said than done. But as this new years sneaks up on us don't let the devil sneak up on you and hold you hostage to your past. You will lose.
My trashcan is full of stuff and my cabinet is cleaned and reorganized. I'm shocked by the things I let go and really shocked by the number of small dental flosses and hand sanitizers I have. I feel like I'm going to stop examining my past events in my life so closely that is over consumes my thoughts. Instead, know that my past is there, recognize it but not let it control how I move forward. In the moments that I feel my past creeping up in my thought process to ruin a moment in my life, I'm going to God in prayer to keep me focusing forward.
Ephesians 4:24 - and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.
Thursday, August 22, 2013
Go In Peace.....
My favorite part of church service is the Benediction.
Numbers 6:24-26
The LORD bless you, and keep you; The LORD make His face shine on you, And be gracious to you; The LORD lift up His countenance on you, And give you peace.'
I feel as it is the time that I feel complete. Everything that was taught that day comes to a close, I'm given peace in the Lord and I'm meant to go reflect and show others through my actions what Christ means to me.
It is strange how the times in my life that I have questioned my faith or if I even believed there was God, that I had no peace. I went about my day, moving through my actions but when it came time to close my eyes at the end of the night my heart was not in peace.
These days....I get stressed out, I get wrapped up in what I am doing but I have a peace in my heart that I have never known. Erin Maynor has a song that has the verse "Decrease me, Increase you." A year ago I was walking with Christ but I didn't completely grasp the meaning of this verse. But today it means more than anything and is so well said. For true peace....I have to focus on the Lord and not on myself. The number of times I didn't walk with the Lord it was all about me.....This doesn't mean that I don't take care of myself but if I ask and take the Lord's guidance I'm able to have his complete peace in my heart.
The Lord does blesses me and keeps me and you, the Lord's face does shine upon me and you. He is amazingly gracious in our worst moments. (Grace is a beautiful thing) When I "Decrease me, Increase" Him, I'm lifted up and given peace.
In what ways have you received peace from the Lord? Have you shown Grace to other's that He has shown to you?
Numbers 6:24-26
The LORD bless you, and keep you; The LORD make His face shine on you, And be gracious to you; The LORD lift up His countenance on you, And give you peace.'
I feel as it is the time that I feel complete. Everything that was taught that day comes to a close, I'm given peace in the Lord and I'm meant to go reflect and show others through my actions what Christ means to me.
It is strange how the times in my life that I have questioned my faith or if I even believed there was God, that I had no peace. I went about my day, moving through my actions but when it came time to close my eyes at the end of the night my heart was not in peace.
These days....I get stressed out, I get wrapped up in what I am doing but I have a peace in my heart that I have never known. Erin Maynor has a song that has the verse "Decrease me, Increase you." A year ago I was walking with Christ but I didn't completely grasp the meaning of this verse. But today it means more than anything and is so well said. For true peace....I have to focus on the Lord and not on myself. The number of times I didn't walk with the Lord it was all about me.....This doesn't mean that I don't take care of myself but if I ask and take the Lord's guidance I'm able to have his complete peace in my heart.
The Lord does blesses me and keeps me and you, the Lord's face does shine upon me and you. He is amazingly gracious in our worst moments. (Grace is a beautiful thing) When I "Decrease me, Increase" Him, I'm lifted up and given peace.
In what ways have you received peace from the Lord? Have you shown Grace to other's that He has shown to you?
Sunday, August 18, 2013
Storytellers - My sister
Today is a special day, a day where folks that were able to go serve on a mission trip whether local or far away spoke of their experiences. They spoke of how God was there and they saw God in a new light. I hope to someday be able to go on a mission trip. I hope to take photos and capture the moments for others to experience. Missions and the storytellers hold a special place in my heart. It is the storytellers that are out there and doing. Doing for others that can't do for themselves. Their stories touched my heart in so many ways.
Today is a special day for me.....today is my sister, Heather's, birthday. Happy 47th birthday Heather. This day makes my heart hurt. My sister is homeless. I speak of her often. For years I was ashamed to say that I had a sister that was homeless, however I have learned by speaking of her to others makes the homeless, health insurance and mental health issues real for many people. I have had people tell me to go get her off the streets. Where would I start to look? How do you help someone that doesn't want help? The pain for my parents is so unspeakable, I'm sure there are nights they lay awake and wonder where she is and what she is doing. The pain of this day for my parents has to be unbearable. I'm sure for my mother it is the flashback of holding her newborn and memories of watching her grow. The memories for my father watching her mental illness take over. Such pain.....I wish I had the sister I grew up with. I loved her so much. But when the mental illness took over I didn't know that person any more. Heather was gone. When she decided to go to the streets, the phone calls were insane and I didn't know how to help.
How do I help? I do what I can for the homeless. I try to make others understand what troubles the homeless have. I try to teach people that they are people too. Not just some bag of bones, warm blooded creature living on the side of the road hoping for a hope, a prayer, an answer. I reach out in true hope that someone will reach out to her. I had spoken years ago to a woman who had known my sister in the Texas homeless system. (Not hard to recognize my sister as she is two inches shorter than me). Said she was a smart girl and couldn't understand why she was homeless. Mental health was my reply and she said sadly there are too many that suffer from that.
So today as I listened to the Storytellers tell their stories, I felt blessed to have a home church that cares for others that can't do for themselves. I was glad to hear their stories on this day. Her birthday. I hope someone tells her happy birthday or maybe give her a cake. I hope that she even recognizes that today is her birthday. Too be very frank....I hope that she is alive and that someone see's her hazel eyes and gets inspired to help others.....become Storytellers.
Happy Birthday Heather!!!! I love you so much and miss you.
Today is a special day for me.....today is my sister, Heather's, birthday. Happy 47th birthday Heather. This day makes my heart hurt. My sister is homeless. I speak of her often. For years I was ashamed to say that I had a sister that was homeless, however I have learned by speaking of her to others makes the homeless, health insurance and mental health issues real for many people. I have had people tell me to go get her off the streets. Where would I start to look? How do you help someone that doesn't want help? The pain for my parents is so unspeakable, I'm sure there are nights they lay awake and wonder where she is and what she is doing. The pain of this day for my parents has to be unbearable. I'm sure for my mother it is the flashback of holding her newborn and memories of watching her grow. The memories for my father watching her mental illness take over. Such pain.....I wish I had the sister I grew up with. I loved her so much. But when the mental illness took over I didn't know that person any more. Heather was gone. When she decided to go to the streets, the phone calls were insane and I didn't know how to help.
How do I help? I do what I can for the homeless. I try to make others understand what troubles the homeless have. I try to teach people that they are people too. Not just some bag of bones, warm blooded creature living on the side of the road hoping for a hope, a prayer, an answer. I reach out in true hope that someone will reach out to her. I had spoken years ago to a woman who had known my sister in the Texas homeless system. (Not hard to recognize my sister as she is two inches shorter than me). Said she was a smart girl and couldn't understand why she was homeless. Mental health was my reply and she said sadly there are too many that suffer from that.
So today as I listened to the Storytellers tell their stories, I felt blessed to have a home church that cares for others that can't do for themselves. I was glad to hear their stories on this day. Her birthday. I hope someone tells her happy birthday or maybe give her a cake. I hope that she even recognizes that today is her birthday. Too be very frank....I hope that she is alive and that someone see's her hazel eyes and gets inspired to help others.....become Storytellers.
Happy Birthday Heather!!!! I love you so much and miss you.
Saturday, November 10, 2012
Bouquet of Leaves....
As I am on this women’s retreat with the subject being “Perfect”, the fig leaves we hold up for others not to see our nakedness. The older I get the more I have learned about myself and of others. Being a people watcher I am always amazed to watch others and see a slight glimpse of their things they hid when they feel no one is watching. However the older I get the more amazed that I still try to aim for perfection. Perfect house, perfect relationship with my spouse, perfect relationship with friends and of course last but not least….the perfect mother.
The analogy for the weekend is the fig leaf. The leaf we hold up to hide our imperfections so we appear perfect to others. I’m sure we all have them and if you think you don’t……may be time to look in the mirror and be brutally honest with yourself. I find that the more we use our fig leaves…..the more worn they get and then it gets to the point where a hole is worn in the leaf and all starts to fall apart. Our mask gets wore and the elastic band no long wraps around your face to hide our pain and tears. You feel lonely, broken and scared that all the glass balls that are held up in the air are going to fall and shatter. We live in a society that we feel no one must see us become weak and vulnerable. We are the strong society where you always hold your head high and never ever ask for help.
Recently I have been holding a beautiful bouquet of fig leaves. Some thicker than others and some quit worn to the edge of flaking away to show the truth. Some of these leaves I am not sure why they are there and others I know exactly why they are selected and what they are hiding. The moments that I realize why I feel internal pain over something that has been eating at me for some time is the moment that life becomes a bit too real for me and I don’t want to admit these new findings.
My son brought home his first report card for 4th grade. This is the year when things begin to change, classes get more challenging and there is more focus on the answers rather than the circles over a, b or c. With two D’s, two C’s and a B, I was disappointed, deflated and to say the least angry. The anger was something I couldn’t understand, where did it come from….why. Well, as I slowly remove this leaf from my bouquet I am beginning to get a glimpse of these emotions…to realize that the anger is really not anger but fear. You see as a child homework for me was a question…..”Is your homework done?”, there was no sitting down at a table and working through the problems, there was no proof reading before a report was handed in. So I didn’t get the best grades, had plenty of missed assignments and probably wrote about 5,000 sentences that “I will finish my homework”. I was not considered the smart kid and I don’t want him to feel that way amongst his peers too. I fear that I don’t know how to do homework time well enough for him. He suffers from ADHD and that makes it even harder. When the neighborhood kids have homework done in a matter of minutes, for him it takes a about an hour or two. It is emotionally draining on me and I don’t want to break his spirit by getting irritated that he doesn’t have the ambition. But would you if all your friends where outside playing and you were stuck inside working on homework? I just don’t want him to become like me. I didn’t get the good grades in school, I didn’t study, which left very little option for me when it came time for college. What was left for me was my music to hope to get me into college and that was gone after carpel tunnel set in. We all want the best for our children, we strive for that. But right now I am broken and I just need to take time to breath and figure out how to move this train forward for everyone in the family to benefit. I want school to be fun for him as he is a smart kid. I want to be able to relax enough for my two boys so they can look forward to homework time.
The hardest part of this all……..is my act of control. Here it is again, the me, myself and I. No me, my husband and God. I haven’t been giving a lot to God lately. Not sure why but I need to put things back into his hands and let him lead me instead of me trying to run ahead of the pack. I know He will guide us through this time and that we will get things figured out so things are better for him. It is also all the leaves in my bouquet that I think blind me from God. The foliage gets so thick that at times it is hard to slow down put down my leaves and leave it to God.
Sunday, September 9, 2012
Fake-ID - the lies that live on our hearts
In six days, I will be a married woman....again. Since this is a moment in ones life not to be taken lightly, I have many moments of memories of what brought me to this point and how did my journey get me here. You see getting married is a big deal. Taking ones hand for a lifetime in the eyes of God, for better or worse. Right? However, three years ago, I thought differently. I was unhappy with things in my life. I decided that I had to walk away from my spouse because that is what you do when you are unhappy...right? I spent so much time and energy focusing on how to get away from him that it was exhausting. The farther away, the fastest route possible...the better. Since my exspouse and I have reunited, I truly wish I would of spent my time and energy focusing on us, our family and how we can make it better.
The sermon series right now is about your "Fake-ID", lies that you believe about yourself, lies about your life, what you do, your past, all the crap that you put between you and God. Granted the devil is an amazing builder of walls, and allows you to think that you will never over come these walls and make God happy. So for the past two weeks they asked us to write down on a slip of paper..."our lie". What is it that we think about ourselves that we feel clouds God's judgement of us. Today they shared what others wrote, obviously not sharing names of those that shared......I was amazed by the pain that is out there. As I read these cards my heart broke and my flood gates opened. The cry that you hold the tears in your eyes as long as you possibly can until tears cascade over your lashes. But the one that truly killed me.....I'm in a marriage that has no love. I remember that feeling....that thought. The thought that I shared day in and day out with this person that I was supposed to be with forever and didn't feel loved. I was lonely and lost. No one should have to feel that way. But I know I have spoken to many about their relationships and there are many people out there that live this way. They feel that their spouse doesn't think much of them and that they are not good enough.
So we are getting remarried. However, there is a new man in our marriage. God. He is at my center and has showed me how amazing forgiveness is and how awesome love can truly be. Don't get me wrong, I believe before but I don't truly think that I put God in my life where he is in my life now. Without God in our relationship and in our lives, I don't think I would be retaking his hand to marry. We have a new level of patience for each other, a new love for each other. Don't get me wrong we still have so many things to work on but we know that anything is workable and fixable. With each repair, we learn more about each other and know what to expect going forward. We are not perfect and goodness...we still sin, but I look forward to taking his hand again and truly becoming one before God to death do us part.
Could of, should of and would of. I know I can't go back and change things and I don't think I would be the person I am today without the past three years. I learned about me and realized how much I knew about him. We are getting a chance of a lifetime to reunite again. When the next time of unhappiness or hardship in our relationship arise, I now know that instead of running away from him and God....I need to run to God and to him. The more we treat this relationship as a team effort and not a you and me effort the better and stronger we are. There is nothing better than the feeling that we are one as we work together towards things whether it be with the kids, at the house or even in our jobs through support. But I know that the moment I say this is a me thing and it doesn't involve you.....there is a break, the devil builds his wall and moves me farther from God and farther from my so-to-be spouse.
I hope with this sermon series that some hearts are healed. I hope the person who wrote that their marriage has no love reaches out for some help. Whether it be help for themselves or as a couple. I hope they learn to let go of all the baggage that they are carry around about each other. All the baggage that no longer lets them look at their spouse with love. I hope and pray that they can learn to work as a team cause a one way street to fix a marriage or I should say build a strong marriage is a very lonely, dead end road. I pray that their spouse hears their cries and decides it is time for a change and that the biggest change is to put God at the center of it ALL. Most of all....I pray for that person to have some peace in their heart to know they are not alone.
So to wrap up....as I sit here and type with tears....Fake-ID's suck. I don't even know how to put it eloquently. If we would stop believing the lies that live on our hearts and give it to God....anything is possible.....anything.
(my only disclaimer here to those that read this and take it as an example of what you should do with your life......if you are in an abusive relationship......go to God and others to get help)
The sermon series right now is about your "Fake-ID", lies that you believe about yourself, lies about your life, what you do, your past, all the crap that you put between you and God. Granted the devil is an amazing builder of walls, and allows you to think that you will never over come these walls and make God happy. So for the past two weeks they asked us to write down on a slip of paper..."our lie". What is it that we think about ourselves that we feel clouds God's judgement of us. Today they shared what others wrote, obviously not sharing names of those that shared......I was amazed by the pain that is out there. As I read these cards my heart broke and my flood gates opened. The cry that you hold the tears in your eyes as long as you possibly can until tears cascade over your lashes. But the one that truly killed me.....I'm in a marriage that has no love. I remember that feeling....that thought. The thought that I shared day in and day out with this person that I was supposed to be with forever and didn't feel loved. I was lonely and lost. No one should have to feel that way. But I know I have spoken to many about their relationships and there are many people out there that live this way. They feel that their spouse doesn't think much of them and that they are not good enough.
So we are getting remarried. However, there is a new man in our marriage. God. He is at my center and has showed me how amazing forgiveness is and how awesome love can truly be. Don't get me wrong, I believe before but I don't truly think that I put God in my life where he is in my life now. Without God in our relationship and in our lives, I don't think I would be retaking his hand to marry. We have a new level of patience for each other, a new love for each other. Don't get me wrong we still have so many things to work on but we know that anything is workable and fixable. With each repair, we learn more about each other and know what to expect going forward. We are not perfect and goodness...we still sin, but I look forward to taking his hand again and truly becoming one before God to death do us part.
Could of, should of and would of. I know I can't go back and change things and I don't think I would be the person I am today without the past three years. I learned about me and realized how much I knew about him. We are getting a chance of a lifetime to reunite again. When the next time of unhappiness or hardship in our relationship arise, I now know that instead of running away from him and God....I need to run to God and to him. The more we treat this relationship as a team effort and not a you and me effort the better and stronger we are. There is nothing better than the feeling that we are one as we work together towards things whether it be with the kids, at the house or even in our jobs through support. But I know that the moment I say this is a me thing and it doesn't involve you.....there is a break, the devil builds his wall and moves me farther from God and farther from my so-to-be spouse.
I hope with this sermon series that some hearts are healed. I hope the person who wrote that their marriage has no love reaches out for some help. Whether it be help for themselves or as a couple. I hope they learn to let go of all the baggage that they are carry around about each other. All the baggage that no longer lets them look at their spouse with love. I hope and pray that they can learn to work as a team cause a one way street to fix a marriage or I should say build a strong marriage is a very lonely, dead end road. I pray that their spouse hears their cries and decides it is time for a change and that the biggest change is to put God at the center of it ALL. Most of all....I pray for that person to have some peace in their heart to know they are not alone.
So to wrap up....as I sit here and type with tears....Fake-ID's suck. I don't even know how to put it eloquently. If we would stop believing the lies that live on our hearts and give it to God....anything is possible.....anything.
(my only disclaimer here to those that read this and take it as an example of what you should do with your life......if you are in an abusive relationship......go to God and others to get help)
Thursday, August 9, 2012
Smells Like Cookies!
Every so often I get this strong urge to bake. I love the actions of gathering everything needed, seeing the ingredients come together but most of all I love that smell. The smell that fills the house and you know that your baked good is almost done. The smell that makes you salivate in anticipation of the goodies. Another place I love the smell is an old fashion church.
I say old fashion because my current church is an auditorium church so the warm smell of wood pews and old carpet is not there. Makes me sad at times....to bad you can't buy that old fashion church smell kinda like that new car smell. When we were in Europe we took time to go into some churches. I knew the instant I heard the creak of the wood door into the sanctuary....the smell. The smell that brings me back to the days of church as a child. Learning about how Christ loves me no matter what. Learning that I need to pray and ask for forgiveness. Learning that great song, Jesus Loves Me. Almost that smell of pure Christian innocence. Where you just knew, you just believed. Faith like a child.
I sometimes wish my walk with Christ was that easy, child like. However, as a grown adult I make it difficult. I get blinded by so many things that the devil puts before me, blinded by my past and blinded by my struggles of not being good enough. I know the moment my eyes become unfocused on God is when everything turns wrong. I have been reading a new book "Soul Detox", I'm finding this book so refreshing and eye opening. He helps you look inside at the true you and helps you take your insides and focus them only on what Christ would want.
So I have been trying to remind myself of the "old fashion church" smell. This helps me remember what it was like to have faith like a child. Reminds me to look up at the cross, at God, who is my Father, my leader and my forgiver.
I say old fashion because my current church is an auditorium church so the warm smell of wood pews and old carpet is not there. Makes me sad at times....to bad you can't buy that old fashion church smell kinda like that new car smell. When we were in Europe we took time to go into some churches. I knew the instant I heard the creak of the wood door into the sanctuary....the smell. The smell that brings me back to the days of church as a child. Learning about how Christ loves me no matter what. Learning that I need to pray and ask for forgiveness. Learning that great song, Jesus Loves Me. Almost that smell of pure Christian innocence. Where you just knew, you just believed. Faith like a child.
I sometimes wish my walk with Christ was that easy, child like. However, as a grown adult I make it difficult. I get blinded by so many things that the devil puts before me, blinded by my past and blinded by my struggles of not being good enough. I know the moment my eyes become unfocused on God is when everything turns wrong. I have been reading a new book "Soul Detox", I'm finding this book so refreshing and eye opening. He helps you look inside at the true you and helps you take your insides and focus them only on what Christ would want.
So I have been trying to remind myself of the "old fashion church" smell. This helps me remember what it was like to have faith like a child. Reminds me to look up at the cross, at God, who is my Father, my leader and my forgiver.
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