Today I woke with the desire to be better. Most likely due to the new year upon us and such. However, waking up and saying I'm going to be better, do better, blah, blah can be a bit overwhelming. I'm sure you asking yourself well how do you want to be better, do better? Folks, everything! Right!? Isn't that the logical answer with the new year almost here? Everything. SO OVERWHELMING. I stopped and asked myself "what exactly did I want to be better and what do I need to be better? What in my life could be better by changes I make? Most of all what can't I change?"
So....I decided to clean under my bathroom sink. Dirty, cluttered, unorganized and I had no clue what was in there. Yes, of course, the essentials were there such as my make-up drawer, deodorant and stuff....STUFF. As I started this task I thought I would simply clean out a little three drawer system I had and call it a day. However, the further I got into it, I realized that I had to do it all. OCD, well maybe (shrugging my shoulders, we all have faults). Three drawer system was emptied on the counter and I washed the drawers as I could not for the life of me remember the last time I washed the drawers. As I peered back under the sink all I saw was a bunch of stuff, stuff and more stuff. Shaking my head I knew I had to go through it but where do I start. Light bulb moment. Hey this is kind of like starting over, making better. By looking at all my stuff and deciding what will stay, what will go and will I ever use it again. Painful as this process maybe, yes the improving my life and cleaning my cabinet. I think when we feel the need to step forward in a better light we look at everything and don't know where to start. I also feel as I started to take things out of the cabinet trying to decide whether to keep or get rid of it the task became even more overwhelming. I put a kibosh on that and decided to take it all out, place on the floor and give the cabinet a good wash out and start with a clean slate. Crap, if life was only that easy.....or is it....I think we often hold onto things in our hearts even though we have asked God to forgive us of our sins and let us walk forward with a clean slate.
Cabinet cleaned out....floor a complete disaster. As I looked upon the objects on the floor I realized a few things about myself. (Ya, I probably already knew this stuff, but at times I need a reminder) I keep things in hopes that I will get into that habit to be better but I never ever do it or continue to do it once I start. Example, lotion, I am not a lotion person. I actually envy the ladies that are good about taking care of their skin. I'm the one whose dress pants in the winter are static clung to my legs because my legs are soo dry. SMH. But I keep small bottles of lotion. Why, I really don't know. Folks, I even make sure I have lotion in my travel bag....just in case I may feel the need to slather on vacation. Who am I kidding? LOL. Anybody else do this? Keep things around because one day, you may get around to do it. Crafts, tailoring or even...loss the weight enough to get back into those size 2 pants. Why, do we keep this stuff that we know good and well we are not going to do it. (Disclaimer, you can loss weight but I know when I was a size 2/0 I hardly ate and took terrible care of myself. Now if you are one to take good care of yourself and work out and are a size 2/0, I'm not saying anything is wrong with it. Kudos) To be honest, I did get rid of some lotions and slathered my hands and elbows with a fabulous Burt's Bees hand crème. I can't seem to let go completely of these lotions but I'm okay with this.
I guess what I'm getting at is be careful as to the things you hold onto. Examine your relationships with people, with your stuff and most of all examine your relationship with Christ. I'm holding onto stuff in my heart that is holding me back in progressing forward in certain relationships in my life. Philippians 3:13, "13 No, dear brothers, I am still not all I should be, but I am bringing all my energies to bear on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead". Christ speaks to this that we have to look forward not being tied down to our past as He has forgiven our past. Move on. Easier said than done. But as this new years sneaks up on us don't let the devil sneak up on you and hold you hostage to your past. You will lose.
My trashcan is full of stuff and my cabinet is cleaned and reorganized. I'm shocked by the things I let go and really shocked by the number of small dental flosses and hand sanitizers I have. I feel like I'm going to stop examining my past events in my life so closely that is over consumes my thoughts. Instead, know that my past is there, recognize it but not let it control how I move forward. In the moments that I feel my past creeping up in my thought process to ruin a moment in my life, I'm going to God in prayer to keep me focusing forward.
Ephesians 4:24 - and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.
Monday, December 30, 2013
Thursday, August 22, 2013
Go In Peace.....
My favorite part of church service is the Benediction.
Numbers 6:24-26
The LORD bless you, and keep you; The LORD make His face shine on you, And be gracious to you; The LORD lift up His countenance on you, And give you peace.'
I feel as it is the time that I feel complete. Everything that was taught that day comes to a close, I'm given peace in the Lord and I'm meant to go reflect and show others through my actions what Christ means to me.
It is strange how the times in my life that I have questioned my faith or if I even believed there was God, that I had no peace. I went about my day, moving through my actions but when it came time to close my eyes at the end of the night my heart was not in peace.
These days....I get stressed out, I get wrapped up in what I am doing but I have a peace in my heart that I have never known. Erin Maynor has a song that has the verse "Decrease me, Increase you." A year ago I was walking with Christ but I didn't completely grasp the meaning of this verse. But today it means more than anything and is so well said. For true peace....I have to focus on the Lord and not on myself. The number of times I didn't walk with the Lord it was all about me.....This doesn't mean that I don't take care of myself but if I ask and take the Lord's guidance I'm able to have his complete peace in my heart.
The Lord does blesses me and keeps me and you, the Lord's face does shine upon me and you. He is amazingly gracious in our worst moments. (Grace is a beautiful thing) When I "Decrease me, Increase" Him, I'm lifted up and given peace.
In what ways have you received peace from the Lord? Have you shown Grace to other's that He has shown to you?
Numbers 6:24-26
The LORD bless you, and keep you; The LORD make His face shine on you, And be gracious to you; The LORD lift up His countenance on you, And give you peace.'
I feel as it is the time that I feel complete. Everything that was taught that day comes to a close, I'm given peace in the Lord and I'm meant to go reflect and show others through my actions what Christ means to me.
It is strange how the times in my life that I have questioned my faith or if I even believed there was God, that I had no peace. I went about my day, moving through my actions but when it came time to close my eyes at the end of the night my heart was not in peace.
These days....I get stressed out, I get wrapped up in what I am doing but I have a peace in my heart that I have never known. Erin Maynor has a song that has the verse "Decrease me, Increase you." A year ago I was walking with Christ but I didn't completely grasp the meaning of this verse. But today it means more than anything and is so well said. For true peace....I have to focus on the Lord and not on myself. The number of times I didn't walk with the Lord it was all about me.....This doesn't mean that I don't take care of myself but if I ask and take the Lord's guidance I'm able to have his complete peace in my heart.
The Lord does blesses me and keeps me and you, the Lord's face does shine upon me and you. He is amazingly gracious in our worst moments. (Grace is a beautiful thing) When I "Decrease me, Increase" Him, I'm lifted up and given peace.
In what ways have you received peace from the Lord? Have you shown Grace to other's that He has shown to you?
Sunday, August 18, 2013
Storytellers - My sister
Today is a special day, a day where folks that were able to go serve on a mission trip whether local or far away spoke of their experiences. They spoke of how God was there and they saw God in a new light. I hope to someday be able to go on a mission trip. I hope to take photos and capture the moments for others to experience. Missions and the storytellers hold a special place in my heart. It is the storytellers that are out there and doing. Doing for others that can't do for themselves. Their stories touched my heart in so many ways.
Today is a special day for me.....today is my sister, Heather's, birthday. Happy 47th birthday Heather. This day makes my heart hurt. My sister is homeless. I speak of her often. For years I was ashamed to say that I had a sister that was homeless, however I have learned by speaking of her to others makes the homeless, health insurance and mental health issues real for many people. I have had people tell me to go get her off the streets. Where would I start to look? How do you help someone that doesn't want help? The pain for my parents is so unspeakable, I'm sure there are nights they lay awake and wonder where she is and what she is doing. The pain of this day for my parents has to be unbearable. I'm sure for my mother it is the flashback of holding her newborn and memories of watching her grow. The memories for my father watching her mental illness take over. Such pain.....I wish I had the sister I grew up with. I loved her so much. But when the mental illness took over I didn't know that person any more. Heather was gone. When she decided to go to the streets, the phone calls were insane and I didn't know how to help.
How do I help? I do what I can for the homeless. I try to make others understand what troubles the homeless have. I try to teach people that they are people too. Not just some bag of bones, warm blooded creature living on the side of the road hoping for a hope, a prayer, an answer. I reach out in true hope that someone will reach out to her. I had spoken years ago to a woman who had known my sister in the Texas homeless system. (Not hard to recognize my sister as she is two inches shorter than me). Said she was a smart girl and couldn't understand why she was homeless. Mental health was my reply and she said sadly there are too many that suffer from that.
So today as I listened to the Storytellers tell their stories, I felt blessed to have a home church that cares for others that can't do for themselves. I was glad to hear their stories on this day. Her birthday. I hope someone tells her happy birthday or maybe give her a cake. I hope that she even recognizes that today is her birthday. Too be very frank....I hope that she is alive and that someone see's her hazel eyes and gets inspired to help others.....become Storytellers.
Happy Birthday Heather!!!! I love you so much and miss you.
Today is a special day for me.....today is my sister, Heather's, birthday. Happy 47th birthday Heather. This day makes my heart hurt. My sister is homeless. I speak of her often. For years I was ashamed to say that I had a sister that was homeless, however I have learned by speaking of her to others makes the homeless, health insurance and mental health issues real for many people. I have had people tell me to go get her off the streets. Where would I start to look? How do you help someone that doesn't want help? The pain for my parents is so unspeakable, I'm sure there are nights they lay awake and wonder where she is and what she is doing. The pain of this day for my parents has to be unbearable. I'm sure for my mother it is the flashback of holding her newborn and memories of watching her grow. The memories for my father watching her mental illness take over. Such pain.....I wish I had the sister I grew up with. I loved her so much. But when the mental illness took over I didn't know that person any more. Heather was gone. When she decided to go to the streets, the phone calls were insane and I didn't know how to help.
How do I help? I do what I can for the homeless. I try to make others understand what troubles the homeless have. I try to teach people that they are people too. Not just some bag of bones, warm blooded creature living on the side of the road hoping for a hope, a prayer, an answer. I reach out in true hope that someone will reach out to her. I had spoken years ago to a woman who had known my sister in the Texas homeless system. (Not hard to recognize my sister as she is two inches shorter than me). Said she was a smart girl and couldn't understand why she was homeless. Mental health was my reply and she said sadly there are too many that suffer from that.
So today as I listened to the Storytellers tell their stories, I felt blessed to have a home church that cares for others that can't do for themselves. I was glad to hear their stories on this day. Her birthday. I hope someone tells her happy birthday or maybe give her a cake. I hope that she even recognizes that today is her birthday. Too be very frank....I hope that she is alive and that someone see's her hazel eyes and gets inspired to help others.....become Storytellers.
Happy Birthday Heather!!!! I love you so much and miss you.
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