Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Baby Steps to Change

Summer is officially upon us.  I like to think of the change of seasons a new beginning.  Kind of like New Year's Day.  The start of something new.  The new cycle begins.  Or so I like to think so.  But I am one who fails all the time at New Year's Resolutions.  I am not a fan of dieting, or working out.  I want to change certain things in my life....but after I tell myself no more and that I need to change something about me....no more than a few days later... I am back to my old ways.

I always chuckle at God...at the "bring me to my knees moments".  I was reflecting upon change recently and then the Pastor has a blog about "Change".  I laughed and found it useful and thankful for God to give me some guidance.  These are wonderful points he brought up to reflect upon.  Thank you Mike for letting me share.

OPENMIKEBLOG.COM in purple my reflection in black.

"What season is ending in my life through no action of my own, Lord?  Help me to name it, learn from it, grieve or celebrate, and be soul-prepared for whatever new season you have for me."

** I think some changes in our life are difficult because our actions and feelings are part of who we are.  I love the word "grieve" here.  When change occurs we have to let somethings go.  Letting go can be painful at first but with time it can be one of the healthiest actions we take to make our lives better.

"What season do me-myself-and-I need to actively end in my life, Lord, under the counsel and power of your Spirit and your Word? Just as you have power over the seasons of nature, you have delegated to us power, submitted to you, to rule over much in our own lives.  Do I need to face the facts at my job, in my ministry, certain friendships or ungodly lifestyles I've pursued that needs repenting of, that simply need to slowly fade into something new or better?"

** Phew, this statement is hard to swallow.  Try to take this statement and say it to yourself in the mirror.  Don't worry God will hear you.  But...will you hear yourself or can you look yourself in the eye.  I have been thinking about behaviors or actions, especially the words I use.  If you can't say it for a group of public to hear should you say it at all?  If you can't do your actions in front of others...should you do it at all?  I have such a hard time with this and I am sure we all do.  Ugh, I want to be strong and let go of some of my thoughts and actions....free myself so that I can be stronger in my faith and my relationships with those around me.  I need to make the change to let go of some things in my life.  I know the thought of letting go can be difficult but you will survive.  I didn't think I would survive my divorce, my actions that came after my divorce, but I am sitting here typing to you today.  I had help, I didn't do it alone.  And if you need help to let go of some dangerous lifestyles or need strength from friends to let go of toxic relationships...reach out.  God has put people in your life for a reason.

"Lord, what new season is coming that I need to embrace, plan for, and participate in, that is part of your renewal of my life and my effectiveness for you?"

** Be ready and open to what is in front of you.  But if your eyes are too busy worrying and focusing on your past you will not be ready for what God has planned for you.  I need to reread what I just wrote over and over again.   I need to take my own advice.

"Lord, if this is a season of waiting, lack of clarity, knowing something new MUST come or be on the horizon, but its not here yet - give me wisdom to seek you in your Word daily, to ask for eyes of faith to see the new thing you bring when you bring it, and the restraint to make my own new season in my own way, outside of your Word and your will."

** Amen

I have things in my life I need to change or let go.  I am ready, I think.  I am standing at the crossroads....and I keep looking back.  I am human and am holding myself back.  I am bound to these things.  I will pray for guidance and strength.  I need the strength to use my scissors and tape.  I need guidance to know where to cut, how much to cut and what to mend, or make stronger.  And in the words of a good friend....know when to take out the trash.  But most of all....Give it to God.  Four words that are so easy to slip off the tongue but at times so hard to do.  I need to GIVE IT TO GOD and take responsibility. 

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Miscommunication and Lack of Communication

Miscommunication and lack of communication. Independently these two things can be lead to misguidance and break down of relationships.  Together they can lead to the most destruction in a relationship.  I have continued this week to think about James 3 and how it relates to my life.  What stopped me in my tracks and almost brought me to tears was the reality of how my tongue and my exhusband's tongue and how it was so destructive to our marriage. 

James 3: 3-5
3 We can make a large horse go wherever we want by means of a small bit in its mouth. 4 And a small rudder makes a huge ship turn wherever the pilot chooses to go, even though the winds are strong. 5 In the same way, the tongue is a small thing that makes grand speeches.

Grand speeches. The tongue is the part of the body that can put forth the thoughts inside your head.  You can steer your life with your tongue as you steer a ship with its small rudder.  When my ex and I realized we had issues and chose to speak about them, we didn't filter.  The years of resentment, anger and jealousy came pouring out of our mouths as levies break in the spring from the pounding pressure of the water.  If I could go back, the things I wouldn't say....only to say it differently.  The years I would love to go back and communicate better.  As a couple we not only had miscommunication, we also had lack of communication.  Now I must say I am blessed as my ex and I after a separation and divorce of two years, have found each other again and have chosen to be with each other.  With this new reconnection not only comes much happiness but much work.

I am learning to talk again.  I stopped speaking my mind very early in our relationship for various reasons.  I felt discouraged by what he said but instead of saying I am not happy, I chose to stay silent.  There are times that staying silent....can be deadly.  Deadly to your inner core.  Why carry weights in your heart?  Through counseling and much conversation I have learned that many times when I think he has said a particular thing.....he really meant something else.  The only way I learn what he truly means is through more conversation.  Learning to have these conversations without being on the defense has been difficult but so rewarding. 

But this week, I remembered the things that were said when I left.  What amazes me is that in the moments of debate and arguments we, as humans, allow ourselves to talk such trash to the ones we love.  Then the things that you tell others....well....do you speak of good service from the local coffee shop or the day your latte was mixed incorrectly?  The same applies to what we tell others about our relationships.  I have found myself through these rebuilding times between us that I must tell others the positive things about him.  I try very hard not to focus on the bad.  As the amazing awesomeness that my ex is....others should know.  I still have moments of failure on this as there are moments of discouragement....however....I usually get discouraged because of miscommunication or lack of communication.  Lessons learned.

My tongue and his tongue...and actions will be the keys into rebuilding this relationship to become a strong foundation.  I intend to steer this life in the right direction by my words and actions.  I hope together him and I will continue to work on this wonderful tool called communication.

Give thy thoughts no tongue.” - Shakespeare

Monday, June 13, 2011

The beginning

So I have blogged before about my life and spoke briefly about my walk with Christ.  But never so bluntly did I put myself out there and really be strong in my faith.  I am not afraid to tell people that I truly believe that God makes things happen for a reason and that I believe that He does answer prayers.  However, we live in a time that it is not the coolest to be a Christian.  The wonderful stereotype that if you say you are a Christian that you are going to view others as wrong, sinners or try to get them to believe what you believe.  How exhausting this whole thought process can be and wondering when you are going to put your foot down and say you believe in Christ.  The day I marked my Facebook page that I was a Christian was a pure day for me that I felt strong.  Okay, I felt strong at the moment and we all have times that we wonder.  I have even looked at other religions as interesting and wondered what I can learn.  I learned that they are interesting and I find it fascinating how they all follow common themes of doing good and what is right to both nature and human kind.  But I find for me...the God is my rock and He comes in three.

I am starting this blog to discuss the weekly sermons from church.  Dissecting the discussion and relating it to my life.  How is one to learn anything if they just listen and not continue to relate?  So here is my first quick entry.

I have discovered a new church and are considering calling it home.  My first service the sermon introduced a new sermon series on the book of James.  I was raised Lutheran, the Missouri synod and ELCA type.  So this church being Presbyterian is a new light for me.  I have never been to a sermon series that dissects a book chapter by chapter.  I must say.....oh James, how your bluntness touches me and puts some meaning into my life.  This past week...we heard about James, chapter 3.

This little thing we contain in our mouths.  The tongue.  I almost find when you bite your tongue it is more painful than a paper cut.  Why is that?  How many times in our lives did we wish that our words would of held strong and not slipped off your tongue to produce damage worse than a hurricane? Where we felt the rush and our filter had failed us?  I laugh when I think on today's terms of the tongue. 

When I thought about this sermon tonight and this idea that I wanted to blog, I thought about our electronic tongue.  The number of times that my electronic tongue slipped before I could retrieve.  The number of times I hit the sent button in the heat of the moment and wished that I could retrieve my words.  How many text messages did I send, not thinking about the ramifications of my words?  Words of anger, lust, zealous and hate.  I am not innocent and will never tell anyone anything other than the truth on that.  But I am trying to live a better life and control this little, flap of skin in my mouth called the tongue. 

James 3: 13-16, New Living Translation (which is great to put it into everyday terms!!!)
13 If you are wise and understand God’s ways, prove it by living an honorable life, doing good works with the humility that comes from wisdom. 14 But if you are bitterly jealous and there is selfish ambition in your heart, don’t cover up the truth with boasting and lying. 15 For jealousy and selfishness are not God’s kind of wisdom. Such things are earthly, unspiritual, and demonic. 16 For wherever there is jealousy and selfish ambition, there you will find disorder and evil of every kind.

13-16 sums it up best for me.  Especially, "prove it by living an honorable life".  There has been times lately that I have thought before I used my tongue, both in flesh and electronically.  Is this what God would want from me?  Does it show others that I am a Christian?  I have stopped before I ignited a spark and prayed for God to give me the words of wisdom to do what is right.  I have been amazed by what I have spoken or typed after those moments of clarity.   I have tried so hard to take the moments when jealousy has taken me down a dark path and to look at all that I am blessed with instead of being bitter about what I don't.  Jealousy is such a destructive behavior, a true weapon of the Devil's.  There is nothing uplifting or healthy that comes from jealousy.  Whether you are a Christian or not, jealousy only allows for more distruciton to break you down.

I find that some of the most destructive words are words from within.  The unspoken thoughts we carry.  These words can be about others....or ourselves.  Each time we allow ourselves to be negative we slowly turn our lights off.  We no longer shine.  Ever be around someone who's tongue is negative about everything.  What happens to you?   Do you feel drained and exhausted?  They sucked the light out of you because they can not see the light because they are wanting to see in the dark.  I sometimes get around these people and just want to hug them.  Tell them that they are loved and it will get better.  I have my negative moments too.  I truly hate myself in these moments and if I allow it to keep going.....it is very hard to get back on track and truly see what God has in store for me. 

So I have been trying very hard to choose my words wisely.  For myself and for others.  Before I feel my tongue flap upon the roof of my mouth...before I feel my fingers click on my phone screen and before I hear my negative thoughts...I will use my filter and focus on what God wants me to do.  Easier said than done...yes...I am human...but as long as I try with my whole heart I know that God will see me through.