Miscommunication and Lack of Communication

Miscommunication and lack of communication. Independently these two things can be lead to misguidance and break down of relationships.  Together they can lead to the most destruction in a relationship.  I have continued this week to think about James 3 and how it relates to my life.  What stopped me in my tracks and almost brought me to tears was the reality of how my tongue and my exhusband's tongue and how it was so destructive to our marriage. 

James 3: 3-5
³ We can make a large horse go wherever we want by means of a small bit in its mouth. ⁴ And a small rudder makes a huge ship turn wherever the pilot chooses to go, even though the winds are strong. ⁵ In the same way, the tongue is a small thing that makes grand speeches.

Grand speeches. The tongue is the part of the body that can put forth the thoughts inside your head.  You can steer your life with your tongue as you steer a ship with its small rudder.  When my ex and I realized we had issues and chose to speak about them, we didn't filter.  The years of resentment, anger and jealousy came pouring out of our mouths as levies break in the spring from the pounding pressure of the water.  If I could go back, the things I wouldn't say....only to say it differently.  The years I would love to go back and communicate better.  As a couple we not only had miscommunication, we also had lack of communication.  Now I must say I am blessed as my ex and I after a separation and divorce of two years, have found each other again and have chosen to be with each other.  With this new reconnection not only comes much happiness but much work.

I am learning to talk again.  I stopped speaking my mind very early in our relationship for various reasons.  I felt discouraged by what he said but instead of saying I am not happy, I chose to stay silent.  There are times that staying silent....can be deadly.  Deadly to your inner core.  Why carry weights in your heart?  Through counseling and much conversation I have learned that many times when I think he has said a particular thing.....he really meant something else.  The only way I learn what he truly means is through more conversation.  Learning to have these conversations without being on the defense has been difficult but so rewarding. 

But this week, I remembered the things that were said when I left.  What amazes me is that in the moments of debate and arguments we, as humans, allow ourselves to talk such trash to the ones we love.  Then the things that you tell others....well....do you speak of good service from the local coffee shop or the day your latte was mixed incorrectly?  The same applies to what we tell others about our relationships.  I have found myself through these rebuilding times between us that I must tell others the positive things about him.  I try very hard not to focus on the bad.  As the amazing awesomeness that my ex is....others should know.  I still have moments of failure on this as there are moments of discouragement....however....I usually get discouraged because of miscommunication or lack of communication.  Lessons learned.

My tongue and his tongue...and actions will be the keys into rebuilding this relationship to become a strong foundation.  I intend to steer this life in the right direction by my words and actions.  I hope together him and I will continue to work on this wonderful tool called communication.

“Give thy thoughts no tongue.” - Shakespeare