So I woke up this morning feeling overwhelmed. So much to do and so little time. My mind is heavy with worries of travel, of dealing with difficult family members and just plan worry of the good ol' typical question.....Am I doing the right thing? I love the holidays....but then again...I down right hate the holidays. We spend so much hustle and bustle for what? I like the festive decorations, the music and spending time with one another. But this gift for that person and this gift for another....the problem of money and spending evenly. All the thought and worry that goes into that. I made the FB comment of "Change your thoughts.....change your life." I need to do this right now and I need to allow God in to help. I allowing myself to get pulled down by the past that doesn't even matter.
So instead of dwelling on the crap....I'm going to speak to some positive things in my life right now:
This weekend I had an amazing experience volunteering at church. I won't go into detail however I will give you numbers. Over 4,000 toys/gifts donated, 300 families given the opportunity to shop for their families with dignity and joy, over 150 volunteers helped these families, the families paid $12,000 which in turn is turned around to the food bank to help feed the hungry for the next two months. Amazing what a group of people can do if they come together with a common goal in mind. I was uplifted from this experience.
We have currently joined a community group at church. I feel as if the Holy Spirit has led us to the right group and I feel we are building life long friendships. The joy I feel from these new beginnings is so great. I am amazed by how much we have in common with these people but also how much we can learn from each other. Our children are also building relationships with the other children in this group.
We leave soon to go travel to go home to celebrate Christmas with family. I love this time of gathering. The food, the laughter and the tears. This is my first Christmas back with my extended "married" family. This will be a Christmas of memories as this is the first Christmas with out the Oma and Opa. They have passed on and we won't hear their songs from the forgien land and hear their laughter. But we will remember them by listening to the CD that was recorded years ago of their songs. I also look forward to being with my children this Christmas. Being back together as one family....all of us under one roof.
And lastly but not the least....my soon to be husband....again and I are planning our second wedding. I'm excited for this celebration. I am ready to exchange vows with him again and feel like this is the bond that is meant to last. This wedding feels so different. Maybe due to the fact that I am at a different point in my life.
So many negative things I could dwell on and let them destroy my spirit....But that is not what God wants from me. I am to remember to love others, love myself and remember that I am loved.
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Monday, November 7, 2011
Money, money, money
Closing the loopholes continue and the topics keep getting dirtier. Last week the discussion of tithing and this week sex!!!! Holy smokes let me tell you I have gone home from church these past two weekends and my head is spinning. I thank the Lord that I am not Catholic or the guilt would ruin me. I must say these two sermons have me viewing these two topics in a very different light. I wanted to blog on the tithing, giving financially to the church, however......well what is there to say.............alot.
Okay, okay, I guess I will discuss this heavy topic. So the Bible states that you should give 10% of your earnings back to the church. Now, I am wondering if they figured out the equation of inflation for this percentile. I'm guilty. I have never tithed 10%....okay there I said it. Man that hurts. I can seriously give random excuses why....but they would be just that...excuses. Sigh. So I do have a goal to be better about giving financially to the church. This is a true goal of mine. Now, I can hear some thoughts being thought of the case of well...why should I give to the church? God will provide. I mean really blogger, they are a tax free institution, churches get cost breaks all the time right? So why should I tithe 10% of my hard earnings. I can not do this sermon justice however let me shed some light on this lovely topic from a side not heard often. I used to work for a church...I was a paid employee. I sat in church council meetings where finances were discussed. We were an older church, we had a building that needed repair, supplies that need replacing and a church membership that was getting grayer and numbers decreasing due to various reasons. Now, let's take your home or even apartment for that matter. You have bills. You need water, electricity, trash removal, repairs, a few new things here and there and food. So does a church. All these things add up. Programs for children cost money, supplies for Sunday school can add up fast. Now I hear you again, but...but...what about donations of supplies? Well folks, donations of supplies help...but they don't keep the lights on and they sure as heck don't keep things looking all shiny and new. We live in a society that likes new but we want the feeling of established. You can't have that unless things are cared for and people return. Blah, blah, blah. I could go on and on. But if you love your home, that God gave you good fortune to have...you care for that home. God brought you to your home church and you should take responsibility to care for it and make it a home. So I will work to increase my giving to get to my 10%. I think with time, I will feel the blessings that come with this gift of giving to give thanks for all the amazing things He has blessed me with.
I'm done with that soap box and haven't even gotten on the topic of SEX!!!! Well, I think I need a few more days to digest that lesson before I open my heart and purge.
On a personal note, things are going pretty good. I have worked hard to relate these sermons to my everyday life and focusing on staying closer to Christ rather than straying from Christ. I have had moments where I have said to myself...this action will not get you anywhere closer to Him or those around you. And by diverting my behavior...I have been much happier. Working very hard to stay focused on my man and Christ and my family. I have been thinking about my focus and dedication to my relationship with him and if I only give half-hearted.....I will not get anywhere and our relationship will not be as awesome as it can be. So I have been taking moments to step back and pray for peace to feel better about something or a prayer for an answer to why things are a certain way. I have been working to create my relationship with not only my man but my man and Christ. I feel this is a much stronger unit in the long run. Everyday is work but I am enjoying every minute of it.
Okay, okay, I guess I will discuss this heavy topic. So the Bible states that you should give 10% of your earnings back to the church. Now, I am wondering if they figured out the equation of inflation for this percentile. I'm guilty. I have never tithed 10%....okay there I said it. Man that hurts. I can seriously give random excuses why....but they would be just that...excuses. Sigh. So I do have a goal to be better about giving financially to the church. This is a true goal of mine. Now, I can hear some thoughts being thought of the case of well...why should I give to the church? God will provide. I mean really blogger, they are a tax free institution, churches get cost breaks all the time right? So why should I tithe 10% of my hard earnings. I can not do this sermon justice however let me shed some light on this lovely topic from a side not heard often. I used to work for a church...I was a paid employee. I sat in church council meetings where finances were discussed. We were an older church, we had a building that needed repair, supplies that need replacing and a church membership that was getting grayer and numbers decreasing due to various reasons. Now, let's take your home or even apartment for that matter. You have bills. You need water, electricity, trash removal, repairs, a few new things here and there and food. So does a church. All these things add up. Programs for children cost money, supplies for Sunday school can add up fast. Now I hear you again, but...but...what about donations of supplies? Well folks, donations of supplies help...but they don't keep the lights on and they sure as heck don't keep things looking all shiny and new. We live in a society that likes new but we want the feeling of established. You can't have that unless things are cared for and people return. Blah, blah, blah. I could go on and on. But if you love your home, that God gave you good fortune to have...you care for that home. God brought you to your home church and you should take responsibility to care for it and make it a home. So I will work to increase my giving to get to my 10%. I think with time, I will feel the blessings that come with this gift of giving to give thanks for all the amazing things He has blessed me with.
I'm done with that soap box and haven't even gotten on the topic of SEX!!!! Well, I think I need a few more days to digest that lesson before I open my heart and purge.
On a personal note, things are going pretty good. I have worked hard to relate these sermons to my everyday life and focusing on staying closer to Christ rather than straying from Christ. I have had moments where I have said to myself...this action will not get you anywhere closer to Him or those around you. And by diverting my behavior...I have been much happier. Working very hard to stay focused on my man and Christ and my family. I have been thinking about my focus and dedication to my relationship with him and if I only give half-hearted.....I will not get anywhere and our relationship will not be as awesome as it can be. So I have been taking moments to step back and pray for peace to feel better about something or a prayer for an answer to why things are a certain way. I have been working to create my relationship with not only my man but my man and Christ. I feel this is a much stronger unit in the long run. Everyday is work but I am enjoying every minute of it.
Friday, October 28, 2011
Take My Own Advice...
So I have been thinking about the loopholes...the holes in the fence. How far can I stray from God without being vile to myself or others? With that I have been trying to change that philosophy and move towards how close can I stay to Him. With this being on my mind, I have been able to notice these short comings and call myself up on things much quicker than the past. I have never been Catholic....but oh my the guilt.
At the top on my Covey Planner yesterday was a beautiful quote that I feel plays into this week's sermon. To believe is to be strong. Doubt cramps energy. Belief is power. - Frederick William Robertson. I find my loopholes or search for these holes in the fence come when I don't believe that something will work or get better. Or I feel that I just can't do something or have a fear. So like water....I try to find the easiest fix or path. Which in turn.....can be the wrong path or of sin. So to be strong...I must believe that these things will work, that I CAN do it and that it will get better.
Since at every turn when I have any sort of doubt my mind gets cluttered and distracted. As I have been playing disc golf lately....I find it is the doubt of finishing my putt......can't make the shot cause I have problems sinking the putt. Seriously, I find God plays a sick joke by bringing this analogy to my mind due to the fact that as my disk glides by it actually hits the basket but doesn't go in. So in turn I need to get my head in the game and have belief that I will sink the putt.
Get my head in the game and believe that it will get better. Believe to be stronger and let no doubt interfer with my game. Life is too short of a game to play half heartedly. No more doubt and loopholes, pray....and believe. I know that God will show us the way to making all things work in Him.
At the top on my Covey Planner yesterday was a beautiful quote that I feel plays into this week's sermon. To believe is to be strong. Doubt cramps energy. Belief is power. - Frederick William Robertson. I find my loopholes or search for these holes in the fence come when I don't believe that something will work or get better. Or I feel that I just can't do something or have a fear. So like water....I try to find the easiest fix or path. Which in turn.....can be the wrong path or of sin. So to be strong...I must believe that these things will work, that I CAN do it and that it will get better.
Since at every turn when I have any sort of doubt my mind gets cluttered and distracted. As I have been playing disc golf lately....I find it is the doubt of finishing my putt......can't make the shot cause I have problems sinking the putt. Seriously, I find God plays a sick joke by bringing this analogy to my mind due to the fact that as my disk glides by it actually hits the basket but doesn't go in. So in turn I need to get my head in the game and have belief that I will sink the putt.
Get my head in the game and believe that it will get better. Believe to be stronger and let no doubt interfer with my game. Life is too short of a game to play half heartedly. No more doubt and loopholes, pray....and believe. I know that God will show us the way to making all things work in Him.
Monday, October 24, 2011
35 and counting....
35 years and counting.....maybe I should of stopped counting at 30 years, but what good would that do. They say you get wiser the older you get....not sure if that rings true with me but I know when I talk to others I can honestly say "been there and done that." (although, I should of gotten the T-shirt). As I have written before, I believe that God gives us life experiences so that we are able to help others later on in life. I am thankful for these experiences and know that I can not go back and redo however I do know is that all I can do is move forward in a better light. Which brings me to the sermon this past week....or I should say this new sermon series "Closing Loopholes". Such a perfect title as it says it all. “How close to my Shepherd can I stay” instead of “How far from my Shepherd can I stray?”
Recently I have been tested by this...okay, okay, every day I am tested by this. The age old question is can I do it and not get caught. The things we do in which we care to deny to others as the evil doing we do serves a want at that moment in time...yet we forget that the want is really not a need. A need is something we have to have to survive and a want is a desire to form some sort of happiness. Pastor spoke of these holes in the fence and we feel that happiness lurks on the other side in the form of the wolf....that is evil and bring us to despair. I know that the times in my life that I have chosen to stray I was thinking that in time it would bring me happiness has only brought me down. At the time I didn't realize how far down it brought me but in time I knew that I was at the bottom of the pond rather than bringing me the glory of floating on the top to feel the sun upon my face.
We have these loopholes in our lives and I find it difficult at times when we need to remove these loopholes so that we can be closure to Christ. But using the questions above.....instead of asking, "How far from my Shepherd can I stray? " Truly ask yourself "How close to my Shepherd can I stay?" This now removes the temptations of what can you do to have the feel good moment and give you the feel good life. Makes me think that when we focus on the negative in our lives....we become negative beings....looking for loopholes to bring us instant gratification to drag us down. So with that being said....to celebrate my upcoming birthday I am going to focus on the positive of this past year and what is ahead.
I started to make a list of 35 things I am thankful for but I think I will keep that to myself. However I will celebrate these items and be thankful to Him. I am also going to make a list of loopholes...where are my short comings and what can I do so that I don't continually repeat these mistakes. My list will include things that I can do to keep me closer to to Christ.
Recently I have been tested by this...okay, okay, every day I am tested by this. The age old question is can I do it and not get caught. The things we do in which we care to deny to others as the evil doing we do serves a want at that moment in time...yet we forget that the want is really not a need. A need is something we have to have to survive and a want is a desire to form some sort of happiness. Pastor spoke of these holes in the fence and we feel that happiness lurks on the other side in the form of the wolf....that is evil and bring us to despair. I know that the times in my life that I have chosen to stray I was thinking that in time it would bring me happiness has only brought me down. At the time I didn't realize how far down it brought me but in time I knew that I was at the bottom of the pond rather than bringing me the glory of floating on the top to feel the sun upon my face.
We have these loopholes in our lives and I find it difficult at times when we need to remove these loopholes so that we can be closure to Christ. But using the questions above.....instead of asking, "How far from my Shepherd can I stray? " Truly ask yourself "How close to my Shepherd can I stay?" This now removes the temptations of what can you do to have the feel good moment and give you the feel good life. Makes me think that when we focus on the negative in our lives....we become negative beings....looking for loopholes to bring us instant gratification to drag us down. So with that being said....to celebrate my upcoming birthday I am going to focus on the positive of this past year and what is ahead.
I started to make a list of 35 things I am thankful for but I think I will keep that to myself. However I will celebrate these items and be thankful to Him. I am also going to make a list of loopholes...where are my short comings and what can I do so that I don't continually repeat these mistakes. My list will include things that I can do to keep me closer to to Christ.
Friday, September 9, 2011
New Meaning to 9/11
The meaning of 9/11 has changed for me over the years. When 9/11 accorded 10 years ago I was a wife and homeowner going through everyday actions without any thought to the enemy. I remember the fear I felt when the first tower was hit, for my father worked in New York City and I didn’t know his working location. I was relieved to get him on the phone later to know that he was safely at home, smart enough to turn around on his morning commute after the first building was struck. I was on the phone with my mom watching the news when the second tower was struck. I felt as if I was in a nightmare that didn’t end and I was only watching it on tv. I am sure for those in New York that day the nightmare was so real that you could taste the dust upon their tongues. My husband came home from work with a wide-eyed fear upon his face. I had never in all the years we were together seen him so scared and worried as to what would happen next.
That night we decided to take a walk around our city block. I can remember the temperature, the silence and most of all the darkness only to be lit by the city street lights and candles that burned upon people’s door steps, such a beautiful sight. I remember the conversation that my husband and I had that night….do you bring children into this world now? What is their future? Is it safe? As we continued to talk we discussed how there have been many times in history that people questioned whether or not to have children due to the mayhem that was occurring somewhere in the world. Wars, hunger, depression….what not. We never did finish that conversation; we just walked hand in hand and knew that we had each other.
Now as the 10th anniversary is upon us for September 11. I am a mother of two children. The meaning of September 11th no longer means that my freedom was broken; it means I have two very important people to protect and nurture. Not only to protect but teach them about God. Teach them that other people believe in other religions and whether my children feel they are right or wrong it is not our right to show hatred towards them for not believing in the same thing they do. My children will learn that it is important to show love and honesty so that people will respect them as a person and as a Christian.
I think we get so wrapped up in the hatred towards others when we think about 9/11. But if I express this hatred towards these terrible people in front of my kids, I will just be repeating the cycle of hatred. I will be honest that I have terrible anger for what happened. My heart breaks every time I think of all that was lost, mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, friends, all gone in a blink of an eye because of this disgusting hate. I refuse to get down to this level and become like them.
I will have moments of silence this weekend, where I will watch my children play and think of children playing elsewhere minus a parent because of actions of hate. I will have moments where I will glance at my wonderful man and be grateful that I can feel his warmth wrapped around me this weekend and be sad for those that will never get to experience their loved ones arms again because of actions of hate. I will have the moment where I will rejoice in the freedom to walk my children into church so they can learn about God and love without the fear of actions of hate.
God bless this wonderful country and God bless my children and help me grow them into strong, loving Christians so others can learn from their love and kindness. Amen.
Thursday, August 4, 2011
Having faith, waiting.....
During our summer series of discussing the "Unsung Heroes" of the Bible, we have discussed individuals of the Old Testament that are small mention in the Bible but make a huge impact if we listen closely to the story. This past week we learned about Shiphrah and Puah, Hebrew midwives, unable to bear children themselves and went against the law allowing all son's that were born to live because God told them to. In return, they were blessed with families of their own.
I had a strange week last week. Maybe strange is not the right word...perhaps blessed. Blessed that I have friends who feel close enough to me to discuss in their life's problems. Blessed that some how I have experienced these similar trials in my life to understand their fears, hopes and dreams. We always experience troubles in our lives. The biggest question that comes to mind......"WHY ME?" I can remember feeling such pain in the past to cry out...."Why me God? What have I done?" The feeling of being empty and alone. Knowing deep down that I am wasn't alone but scared to reach out. Scared to trust and hear what others had to say.
These two midwives had to be terrified to go against the law. But God spoke to them and they trusted and were blessed. Sometimes in life it seems easier to go along with what everyone else is doing or what everyone else wants you to do. I find it hard at times to stop and put a listening ear to God. Lately, I have been trying harder to do that and I find such peace in this. I find a stronger direction. But for some of my close friends....they have so much noise to deal with that I think it is hard for them to stop. I feel the only advice I have to give is trust in the Lord and pray. Encouraging them to take one day at a time and with time they will be blessed.
I need to remind myself often that even though at times I feel as if my dreams have been shattered it isn't God's ultimate plan to be evil. His plan isn't my plan and with time the plan will unravel and show the path that I need to take. I laugh because we are such impatient creatures that we want to control and do what our plan is.
God grant me the patience to listen, to hear your plan for me. Be with those that are lost and confused. Let them gain strength to bear the burdens that are upon them. Let them see that with time and faith you will bless them with the bounties that are fruitful. I am thankful for all that you have blessed me with. Thank you for my life experiences, even though they were painful they have given me the words to help others through their time of need. Amen
I had a strange week last week. Maybe strange is not the right word...perhaps blessed. Blessed that I have friends who feel close enough to me to discuss in their life's problems. Blessed that some how I have experienced these similar trials in my life to understand their fears, hopes and dreams. We always experience troubles in our lives. The biggest question that comes to mind......"WHY ME?" I can remember feeling such pain in the past to cry out...."Why me God? What have I done?" The feeling of being empty and alone. Knowing deep down that I am wasn't alone but scared to reach out. Scared to trust and hear what others had to say.
These two midwives had to be terrified to go against the law. But God spoke to them and they trusted and were blessed. Sometimes in life it seems easier to go along with what everyone else is doing or what everyone else wants you to do. I find it hard at times to stop and put a listening ear to God. Lately, I have been trying harder to do that and I find such peace in this. I find a stronger direction. But for some of my close friends....they have so much noise to deal with that I think it is hard for them to stop. I feel the only advice I have to give is trust in the Lord and pray. Encouraging them to take one day at a time and with time they will be blessed.
I need to remind myself often that even though at times I feel as if my dreams have been shattered it isn't God's ultimate plan to be evil. His plan isn't my plan and with time the plan will unravel and show the path that I need to take. I laugh because we are such impatient creatures that we want to control and do what our plan is.
God grant me the patience to listen, to hear your plan for me. Be with those that are lost and confused. Let them gain strength to bear the burdens that are upon them. Let them see that with time and faith you will bless them with the bounties that are fruitful. I am thankful for all that you have blessed me with. Thank you for my life experiences, even though they were painful they have given me the words to help others through their time of need. Amen
Monday, July 11, 2011
The Fixer Upper
So I have Blogger's Block. Which actually said out loud sounds like a disease. I wish there was a way that I could take these numerous thoughts in my head, through my fingers onto my screen. (Sigh, what ever happened to pen and paper) So I listened to the sermon on the computer today as we were not able to make it to church this past Sunday. I took notes and tried to have some thoughts come to me as to what to blog. But I'm sitting here, I have typed out the beginning of two thought processes...highlighted...then deleted. I promise I will tie this somehow to the sermon...maybe. So when in doubt...the best practice....brutal, raw, honesty.
Change is hard. With change in our lives we have stress. I don't handle stress well. I wish I could be one of those laid back, easy going people without a care in the world. Or to be able to handle my cares on a lighter note. This past week, I found that some of my stressors really didn't matter at all in the grand scheme of things. I believe that I put a greater importance on these things that didn't matter because I didn't want to deal with the big issues that stared me in the face. My rekindled relationship with my exhusband and my relationship with God.
They say it is cheaper to build a new house than to remodel one. Being that I have personally remodeled two homes in my past....I can attest that this statement is true. It is easier to have a new relationship with someone else than continue to work on one from the past. There is no dirt in a new relationship. With the old relationship, you have a foundation but there are so many obstacles that you either have to remove or work around. Remodeling has to also be a joint effort and all the while coexist during this rebuilding process. If you have ever lived in a home during a remodeling project....let me ask you.....how was your relationships with those in the house with you? Did you just begin to ignore that the hot water was nonexistent? Did you just accept that if you flickered the switch just right and jiggled the plug the coffee maker might work? You learn to accept the dust. Makes me think of the movie Money Pit...two quirky people, that had true love for each other, saw a grandeur picture, failed to really look to each other for help, everything crumbled around them including their relationship, but in the end the house is beautiful again and they are happily ever after. I swear God is going to break me before He puts me back together.....I failed to look to my ex for help, I failed to look to God. I am getting so wrapped up in all the other crap, all the stuff that doesn't matter.
I don't stop and ask for help. I am afraid to admit that I am weak. So I put on my armour, put up my fists and prepare for the worst. Then I grow distant and find it is easier to do it myself than to lean on the one person I am supposed to lean on. I think we can all say that we have that kind of relationship with God. Being the imperfect beings that we are. We get so wrapped up in the things that truly don't matter, we forget to look to God. When things get bad, we are broken and decide that it is time to look to the cross for some strength. So I feel broken.
I need to stop focusing on all the things that just don't matter. I need to step beside this person that I made a promise to in the past and work to rebuild this relationship. I need to stop feeling like I hold the hammer and the nail and ask for some help. Remembering that there is no "i" in Team for a reason. But it is allowing myself to be broken by God, allowing God to mold me and my partner into a strong foundation and home. But it is all part of change, of stress and of compromise. I hope that I am strong enough to do this. To let go and just be. I have to put God first and put an effort into working on this relationship. If God wants this to work, He will show me how to do this.
Great link to Joyce Meyer's on forgiveness...to move forward in any relationship this needs to be done....together. http://www.joycemeyer.org/articles/ea.aspx?article=six_ways_to_find_unforgiveness
Change is hard. With change in our lives we have stress. I don't handle stress well. I wish I could be one of those laid back, easy going people without a care in the world. Or to be able to handle my cares on a lighter note. This past week, I found that some of my stressors really didn't matter at all in the grand scheme of things. I believe that I put a greater importance on these things that didn't matter because I didn't want to deal with the big issues that stared me in the face. My rekindled relationship with my exhusband and my relationship with God.
They say it is cheaper to build a new house than to remodel one. Being that I have personally remodeled two homes in my past....I can attest that this statement is true. It is easier to have a new relationship with someone else than continue to work on one from the past. There is no dirt in a new relationship. With the old relationship, you have a foundation but there are so many obstacles that you either have to remove or work around. Remodeling has to also be a joint effort and all the while coexist during this rebuilding process. If you have ever lived in a home during a remodeling project....let me ask you.....how was your relationships with those in the house with you? Did you just begin to ignore that the hot water was nonexistent? Did you just accept that if you flickered the switch just right and jiggled the plug the coffee maker might work? You learn to accept the dust. Makes me think of the movie Money Pit...two quirky people, that had true love for each other, saw a grandeur picture, failed to really look to each other for help, everything crumbled around them including their relationship, but in the end the house is beautiful again and they are happily ever after. I swear God is going to break me before He puts me back together.....I failed to look to my ex for help, I failed to look to God. I am getting so wrapped up in all the other crap, all the stuff that doesn't matter.
I don't stop and ask for help. I am afraid to admit that I am weak. So I put on my armour, put up my fists and prepare for the worst. Then I grow distant and find it is easier to do it myself than to lean on the one person I am supposed to lean on. I think we can all say that we have that kind of relationship with God. Being the imperfect beings that we are. We get so wrapped up in the things that truly don't matter, we forget to look to God. When things get bad, we are broken and decide that it is time to look to the cross for some strength. So I feel broken.
I need to stop focusing on all the things that just don't matter. I need to step beside this person that I made a promise to in the past and work to rebuild this relationship. I need to stop feeling like I hold the hammer and the nail and ask for some help. Remembering that there is no "i" in Team for a reason. But it is allowing myself to be broken by God, allowing God to mold me and my partner into a strong foundation and home. But it is all part of change, of stress and of compromise. I hope that I am strong enough to do this. To let go and just be. I have to put God first and put an effort into working on this relationship. If God wants this to work, He will show me how to do this.
Great link to Joyce Meyer's on forgiveness...to move forward in any relationship this needs to be done....together. http://www.joycemeyer.org/articles/ea.aspx?article=six_ways_to_find_unforgiveness
Sunday, July 3, 2011
Happy Half-Year!!!! STOP!!!
You never realize how fast you are moving through your life until something in your life makes everything come to a standstill. This past week, God made me come to a screeching halt. I was looking forward to time with an out of town friend and then going camping with my family at the end of the week. Dinner on Monday evening was tasty except my body was telling me something wasn't right. Amazing how God gave us this mechanism called...pain. I am known to be a wimp when it comes to pain. So I decided to be strong and decide that I had indigestion and went to work Tuesday morning. I mean, I had to interview someone at 9am. I could make it through. But as I drove to work each bump that my car went over sent shooting pain through my body. Okay, I don't need to go to the ER, I will go to urgent care. I went to urgent care to be sent to the ER that turned into a late night surgery. Hmmm, never made that 9am interview. I had to come to a stop at my job, no longer felt the drive of success at my paid job, I felt a slight pang of failure that I could no longer perform my duties and had to step aside to take care of me....my body....my health.
So I am a wimp when it comes to pain...but an even bigger weakness of mine is asking for help. I had no choice but to ask for help. However, my typical venues of help were not around. My mom lives in another state, my man was out of town with our boys, they would not let me drive myself to the hospital. So...I called my boss. I believe that God puts people in our life for a reason. Let me tell you about this woman who is my boss. When I met this woman, I knew I could learn from her. Her smart business sense and strong willed to keep the business moving forward. The more I have worked with her, the more I have learned about her personally. She has gone through somethings in her life that I have experienced or am experiencing and she is able to give me words of wisdom because she has been there, done that. There was no ounce of guilt from her that she took her entire day to be beside me. She made sure I was cared for and that all went well. She was my channel of communication with my mother, my man and my out of town friend. I knew that everything was taken care of and that she was at my helm. I am sure my drugged state helped with my pure awe of her, but as I am writing this, non-drugged, she did what Jesus would do. Man that sounds cheesy, but it is so true. I felt so blessed to have her in my life and thankful to God for putting my life in connection with this amazing woman and her awesome family. (I work with her daughter and husband)
Before this happened, I kept wishing for a day to do nothing but sleep. Ugh, the saying, "Be careful what you wish for", is so true. I got my days to do nothing but sleep and heal. I hate having to stop. To really reflect upon things and think too much. I saw a headline to an article that said..."Happy Half-Year!!!" So I took some time to look at how far I have come with life in the past six months. New job, new home, new rekindled relationship, better time with my boys, new friendships. Alot has changed in my life in six months and I don't think I have allowed myself time to appreciate the change, accept the change and understand and accept my failures or my successes.
I am thankful for all of it, good and the bad. I am not perfect. Don't think I really wanted to go through surgery to realize all of this but God does have his way at times to make us stop and learn the lessons of life. I understand this entry is all over the place but I felt I wanted to put these thoughts down. I will continue to scrub off the adhesive stickiness left by various bandages applied by the hospital. Such a symbol to me of forgiveness of my sins and starting anew. I am thankful that my surgery was minor in the grand scheme of things. I feel God is telling me to slow down abit and enjoy the moments in life instead of trying to get to the next deadline or next moment.
So I am a wimp when it comes to pain...but an even bigger weakness of mine is asking for help. I had no choice but to ask for help. However, my typical venues of help were not around. My mom lives in another state, my man was out of town with our boys, they would not let me drive myself to the hospital. So...I called my boss. I believe that God puts people in our life for a reason. Let me tell you about this woman who is my boss. When I met this woman, I knew I could learn from her. Her smart business sense and strong willed to keep the business moving forward. The more I have worked with her, the more I have learned about her personally. She has gone through somethings in her life that I have experienced or am experiencing and she is able to give me words of wisdom because she has been there, done that. There was no ounce of guilt from her that she took her entire day to be beside me. She made sure I was cared for and that all went well. She was my channel of communication with my mother, my man and my out of town friend. I knew that everything was taken care of and that she was at my helm. I am sure my drugged state helped with my pure awe of her, but as I am writing this, non-drugged, she did what Jesus would do. Man that sounds cheesy, but it is so true. I felt so blessed to have her in my life and thankful to God for putting my life in connection with this amazing woman and her awesome family. (I work with her daughter and husband)
Before this happened, I kept wishing for a day to do nothing but sleep. Ugh, the saying, "Be careful what you wish for", is so true. I got my days to do nothing but sleep and heal. I hate having to stop. To really reflect upon things and think too much. I saw a headline to an article that said..."Happy Half-Year!!!" So I took some time to look at how far I have come with life in the past six months. New job, new home, new rekindled relationship, better time with my boys, new friendships. Alot has changed in my life in six months and I don't think I have allowed myself time to appreciate the change, accept the change and understand and accept my failures or my successes.
I am thankful for all of it, good and the bad. I am not perfect. Don't think I really wanted to go through surgery to realize all of this but God does have his way at times to make us stop and learn the lessons of life. I understand this entry is all over the place but I felt I wanted to put these thoughts down. I will continue to scrub off the adhesive stickiness left by various bandages applied by the hospital. Such a symbol to me of forgiveness of my sins and starting anew. I am thankful that my surgery was minor in the grand scheme of things. I feel God is telling me to slow down abit and enjoy the moments in life instead of trying to get to the next deadline or next moment.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Baby Steps to Change
Summer is officially upon us. I like to think of the change of seasons a new beginning. Kind of like New Year's Day. The start of something new. The new cycle begins. Or so I like to think so. But I am one who fails all the time at New Year's Resolutions. I am not a fan of dieting, or working out. I want to change certain things in my life....but after I tell myself no more and that I need to change something about me....no more than a few days later... I am back to my old ways.
I always chuckle at God...at the "bring me to my knees moments". I was reflecting upon change recently and then the Pastor has a blog about "Change". I laughed and found it useful and thankful for God to give me some guidance. These are wonderful points he brought up to reflect upon. Thank you Mike for letting me share.
OPENMIKEBLOG.COM in purple my reflection in black.
"What season is ending in my life through no action of my own, Lord? Help me to name it, learn from it, grieve or celebrate, and be soul-prepared for whatever new season you have for me."
** I think some changes in our life are difficult because our actions and feelings are part of who we are. I love the word "grieve" here. When change occurs we have to let somethings go. Letting go can be painful at first but with time it can be one of the healthiest actions we take to make our lives better.
"What season do me-myself-and-I need to actively end in my life, Lord, under the counsel and power of your Spirit and your Word? Just as you have power over the seasons of nature, you have delegated to us power, submitted to you, to rule over much in our own lives. Do I need to face the facts at my job, in my ministry, certain friendships or ungodly lifestyles I've pursued that needs repenting of, that simply need to slowly fade into something new or better?"
** Phew, this statement is hard to swallow. Try to take this statement and say it to yourself in the mirror. Don't worry God will hear you. But...will you hear yourself or can you look yourself in the eye. I have been thinking about behaviors or actions, especially the words I use. If you can't say it for a group of public to hear should you say it at all? If you can't do your actions in front of others...should you do it at all? I have such a hard time with this and I am sure we all do. Ugh, I want to be strong and let go of some of my thoughts and actions....free myself so that I can be stronger in my faith and my relationships with those around me. I need to make the change to let go of some things in my life. I know the thought of letting go can be difficult but you will survive. I didn't think I would survive my divorce, my actions that came after my divorce, but I am sitting here typing to you today. I had help, I didn't do it alone. And if you need help to let go of some dangerous lifestyles or need strength from friends to let go of toxic relationships...reach out. God has put people in your life for a reason.
"Lord, what new season is coming that I need to embrace, plan for, and participate in, that is part of your renewal of my life and my effectiveness for you?"
** Be ready and open to what is in front of you. But if your eyes are too busy worrying and focusing on your past you will not be ready for what God has planned for you. I need to reread what I just wrote over and over again. I need to take my own advice.
"Lord, if this is a season of waiting, lack of clarity, knowing something new MUST come or be on the horizon, but its not here yet - give me wisdom to seek you in your Word daily, to ask for eyes of faith to see the new thing you bring when you bring it, and the restraint to make my own new season in my own way, outside of your Word and your will."
** Amen
I have things in my life I need to change or let go. I am ready, I think. I am standing at the crossroads....and I keep looking back. I am human and am holding myself back. I am bound to these things. I will pray for guidance and strength. I need the strength to use my scissors and tape. I need guidance to know where to cut, how much to cut and what to mend, or make stronger. And in the words of a good friend....know when to take out the trash. But most of all....Give it to God. Four words that are so easy to slip off the tongue but at times so hard to do. I need to GIVE IT TO GOD and take responsibility.
I always chuckle at God...at the "bring me to my knees moments". I was reflecting upon change recently and then the Pastor has a blog about "Change". I laughed and found it useful and thankful for God to give me some guidance. These are wonderful points he brought up to reflect upon. Thank you Mike for letting me share.
OPENMIKEBLOG.COM in purple my reflection in black.
"What season is ending in my life through no action of my own, Lord? Help me to name it, learn from it, grieve or celebrate, and be soul-prepared for whatever new season you have for me."
** I think some changes in our life are difficult because our actions and feelings are part of who we are. I love the word "grieve" here. When change occurs we have to let somethings go. Letting go can be painful at first but with time it can be one of the healthiest actions we take to make our lives better.
"What season do me-myself-and-I need to actively end in my life, Lord, under the counsel and power of your Spirit and your Word? Just as you have power over the seasons of nature, you have delegated to us power, submitted to you, to rule over much in our own lives. Do I need to face the facts at my job, in my ministry, certain friendships or ungodly lifestyles I've pursued that needs repenting of, that simply need to slowly fade into something new or better?"
** Phew, this statement is hard to swallow. Try to take this statement and say it to yourself in the mirror. Don't worry God will hear you. But...will you hear yourself or can you look yourself in the eye. I have been thinking about behaviors or actions, especially the words I use. If you can't say it for a group of public to hear should you say it at all? If you can't do your actions in front of others...should you do it at all? I have such a hard time with this and I am sure we all do. Ugh, I want to be strong and let go of some of my thoughts and actions....free myself so that I can be stronger in my faith and my relationships with those around me. I need to make the change to let go of some things in my life. I know the thought of letting go can be difficult but you will survive. I didn't think I would survive my divorce, my actions that came after my divorce, but I am sitting here typing to you today. I had help, I didn't do it alone. And if you need help to let go of some dangerous lifestyles or need strength from friends to let go of toxic relationships...reach out. God has put people in your life for a reason.
"Lord, what new season is coming that I need to embrace, plan for, and participate in, that is part of your renewal of my life and my effectiveness for you?"
** Be ready and open to what is in front of you. But if your eyes are too busy worrying and focusing on your past you will not be ready for what God has planned for you. I need to reread what I just wrote over and over again. I need to take my own advice.
"Lord, if this is a season of waiting, lack of clarity, knowing something new MUST come or be on the horizon, but its not here yet - give me wisdom to seek you in your Word daily, to ask for eyes of faith to see the new thing you bring when you bring it, and the restraint to make my own new season in my own way, outside of your Word and your will."
** Amen
I have things in my life I need to change or let go. I am ready, I think. I am standing at the crossroads....and I keep looking back. I am human and am holding myself back. I am bound to these things. I will pray for guidance and strength. I need the strength to use my scissors and tape. I need guidance to know where to cut, how much to cut and what to mend, or make stronger. And in the words of a good friend....know when to take out the trash. But most of all....Give it to God. Four words that are so easy to slip off the tongue but at times so hard to do. I need to GIVE IT TO GOD and take responsibility.
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Miscommunication and Lack of Communication
Miscommunication and lack of communication. Independently these two things can be lead to misguidance and break down of relationships. Together they can lead to the most destruction in a relationship. I have continued this week to think about James 3 and how it relates to my life. What stopped me in my tracks and almost brought me to tears was the reality of how my tongue and my exhusband's tongue and how it was so destructive to our marriage.
James 3: 3-5
3 We can make a large horse go wherever we want by means of a small bit in its mouth. 4 And a small rudder makes a huge ship turn wherever the pilot chooses to go, even though the winds are strong. 5 In the same way, the tongue is a small thing that makes grand speeches.
Grand speeches. The tongue is the part of the body that can put forth the thoughts inside your head. You can steer your life with your tongue as you steer a ship with its small rudder. When my ex and I realized we had issues and chose to speak about them, we didn't filter. The years of resentment, anger and jealousy came pouring out of our mouths as levies break in the spring from the pounding pressure of the water. If I could go back, the things I wouldn't say....only to say it differently. The years I would love to go back and communicate better. As a couple we not only had miscommunication, we also had lack of communication. Now I must say I am blessed as my ex and I after a separation and divorce of two years, have found each other again and have chosen to be with each other. With this new reconnection not only comes much happiness but much work.
I am learning to talk again. I stopped speaking my mind very early in our relationship for various reasons. I felt discouraged by what he said but instead of saying I am not happy, I chose to stay silent. There are times that staying silent....can be deadly. Deadly to your inner core. Why carry weights in your heart? Through counseling and much conversation I have learned that many times when I think he has said a particular thing.....he really meant something else. The only way I learn what he truly means is through more conversation. Learning to have these conversations without being on the defense has been difficult but so rewarding.
But this week, I remembered the things that were said when I left. What amazes me is that in the moments of debate and arguments we, as humans, allow ourselves to talk such trash to the ones we love. Then the things that you tell others....well....do you speak of good service from the local coffee shop or the day your latte was mixed incorrectly? The same applies to what we tell others about our relationships. I have found myself through these rebuilding times between us that I must tell others the positive things about him. I try very hard not to focus on the bad. As the amazing awesomeness that my ex is....others should know. I still have moments of failure on this as there are moments of discouragement....however....I usually get discouraged because of miscommunication or lack of communication. Lessons learned.
My tongue and his tongue...and actions will be the keys into rebuilding this relationship to become a strong foundation. I intend to steer this life in the right direction by my words and actions. I hope together him and I will continue to work on this wonderful tool called communication.
“Give thy thoughts no tongue.” - Shakespeare
James 3: 3-5
3 We can make a large horse go wherever we want by means of a small bit in its mouth. 4 And a small rudder makes a huge ship turn wherever the pilot chooses to go, even though the winds are strong. 5 In the same way, the tongue is a small thing that makes grand speeches.
Grand speeches. The tongue is the part of the body that can put forth the thoughts inside your head. You can steer your life with your tongue as you steer a ship with its small rudder. When my ex and I realized we had issues and chose to speak about them, we didn't filter. The years of resentment, anger and jealousy came pouring out of our mouths as levies break in the spring from the pounding pressure of the water. If I could go back, the things I wouldn't say....only to say it differently. The years I would love to go back and communicate better. As a couple we not only had miscommunication, we also had lack of communication. Now I must say I am blessed as my ex and I after a separation and divorce of two years, have found each other again and have chosen to be with each other. With this new reconnection not only comes much happiness but much work.
I am learning to talk again. I stopped speaking my mind very early in our relationship for various reasons. I felt discouraged by what he said but instead of saying I am not happy, I chose to stay silent. There are times that staying silent....can be deadly. Deadly to your inner core. Why carry weights in your heart? Through counseling and much conversation I have learned that many times when I think he has said a particular thing.....he really meant something else. The only way I learn what he truly means is through more conversation. Learning to have these conversations without being on the defense has been difficult but so rewarding.
But this week, I remembered the things that were said when I left. What amazes me is that in the moments of debate and arguments we, as humans, allow ourselves to talk such trash to the ones we love. Then the things that you tell others....well....do you speak of good service from the local coffee shop or the day your latte was mixed incorrectly? The same applies to what we tell others about our relationships. I have found myself through these rebuilding times between us that I must tell others the positive things about him. I try very hard not to focus on the bad. As the amazing awesomeness that my ex is....others should know. I still have moments of failure on this as there are moments of discouragement....however....I usually get discouraged because of miscommunication or lack of communication. Lessons learned.
My tongue and his tongue...and actions will be the keys into rebuilding this relationship to become a strong foundation. I intend to steer this life in the right direction by my words and actions. I hope together him and I will continue to work on this wonderful tool called communication.
“Give thy thoughts no tongue.” - Shakespeare
Monday, June 13, 2011
The beginning
So I have blogged before about my life and spoke briefly about my walk with Christ. But never so bluntly did I put myself out there and really be strong in my faith. I am not afraid to tell people that I truly believe that God makes things happen for a reason and that I believe that He does answer prayers. However, we live in a time that it is not the coolest to be a Christian. The wonderful stereotype that if you say you are a Christian that you are going to view others as wrong, sinners or try to get them to believe what you believe. How exhausting this whole thought process can be and wondering when you are going to put your foot down and say you believe in Christ. The day I marked my Facebook page that I was a Christian was a pure day for me that I felt strong. Okay, I felt strong at the moment and we all have times that we wonder. I have even looked at other religions as interesting and wondered what I can learn. I learned that they are interesting and I find it fascinating how they all follow common themes of doing good and what is right to both nature and human kind. But I find for me...the God is my rock and He comes in three.
I am starting this blog to discuss the weekly sermons from church. Dissecting the discussion and relating it to my life. How is one to learn anything if they just listen and not continue to relate? So here is my first quick entry.
I have discovered a new church and are considering calling it home. My first service the sermon introduced a new sermon series on the book of James. I was raised Lutheran, the Missouri synod and ELCA type. So this church being Presbyterian is a new light for me. I have never been to a sermon series that dissects a book chapter by chapter. I must say.....oh James, how your bluntness touches me and puts some meaning into my life. This past week...we heard about James, chapter 3.
This little thing we contain in our mouths. The tongue. I almost find when you bite your tongue it is more painful than a paper cut. Why is that? How many times in our lives did we wish that our words would of held strong and not slipped off your tongue to produce damage worse than a hurricane? Where we felt the rush and our filter had failed us? I laugh when I think on today's terms of the tongue.
When I thought about this sermon tonight and this idea that I wanted to blog, I thought about our electronic tongue. The number of times that my electronic tongue slipped before I could retrieve. The number of times I hit the sent button in the heat of the moment and wished that I could retrieve my words. How many text messages did I send, not thinking about the ramifications of my words? Words of anger, lust, zealous and hate. I am not innocent and will never tell anyone anything other than the truth on that. But I am trying to live a better life and control this little, flap of skin in my mouth called the tongue.
James 3: 13-16, New Living Translation (which is great to put it into everyday terms!!!)
13 If you are wise and understand God’s ways, prove it by living an honorable life, doing good works with the humility that comes from wisdom. 14 But if you are bitterly jealous and there is selfish ambition in your heart, don’t cover up the truth with boasting and lying. 15 For jealousy and selfishness are not God’s kind of wisdom. Such things are earthly, unspiritual, and demonic. 16 For wherever there is jealousy and selfish ambition, there you will find disorder and evil of every kind.
13-16 sums it up best for me. Especially, "prove it by living an honorable life". There has been times lately that I have thought before I used my tongue, both in flesh and electronically. Is this what God would want from me? Does it show others that I am a Christian? I have stopped before I ignited a spark and prayed for God to give me the words of wisdom to do what is right. I have been amazed by what I have spoken or typed after those moments of clarity. I have tried so hard to take the moments when jealousy has taken me down a dark path and to look at all that I am blessed with instead of being bitter about what I don't. Jealousy is such a destructive behavior, a true weapon of the Devil's. There is nothing uplifting or healthy that comes from jealousy. Whether you are a Christian or not, jealousy only allows for more distruciton to break you down.
I find that some of the most destructive words are words from within. The unspoken thoughts we carry. These words can be about others....or ourselves. Each time we allow ourselves to be negative we slowly turn our lights off. We no longer shine. Ever be around someone who's tongue is negative about everything. What happens to you? Do you feel drained and exhausted? They sucked the light out of you because they can not see the light because they are wanting to see in the dark. I sometimes get around these people and just want to hug them. Tell them that they are loved and it will get better. I have my negative moments too. I truly hate myself in these moments and if I allow it to keep going.....it is very hard to get back on track and truly see what God has in store for me.
So I have been trying very hard to choose my words wisely. For myself and for others. Before I feel my tongue flap upon the roof of my mouth...before I feel my fingers click on my phone screen and before I hear my negative thoughts...I will use my filter and focus on what God wants me to do. Easier said than done...yes...I am human...but as long as I try with my whole heart I know that God will see me through.
I am starting this blog to discuss the weekly sermons from church. Dissecting the discussion and relating it to my life. How is one to learn anything if they just listen and not continue to relate? So here is my first quick entry.
I have discovered a new church and are considering calling it home. My first service the sermon introduced a new sermon series on the book of James. I was raised Lutheran, the Missouri synod and ELCA type. So this church being Presbyterian is a new light for me. I have never been to a sermon series that dissects a book chapter by chapter. I must say.....oh James, how your bluntness touches me and puts some meaning into my life. This past week...we heard about James, chapter 3.
This little thing we contain in our mouths. The tongue. I almost find when you bite your tongue it is more painful than a paper cut. Why is that? How many times in our lives did we wish that our words would of held strong and not slipped off your tongue to produce damage worse than a hurricane? Where we felt the rush and our filter had failed us? I laugh when I think on today's terms of the tongue.
When I thought about this sermon tonight and this idea that I wanted to blog, I thought about our electronic tongue. The number of times that my electronic tongue slipped before I could retrieve. The number of times I hit the sent button in the heat of the moment and wished that I could retrieve my words. How many text messages did I send, not thinking about the ramifications of my words? Words of anger, lust, zealous and hate. I am not innocent and will never tell anyone anything other than the truth on that. But I am trying to live a better life and control this little, flap of skin in my mouth called the tongue.
James 3: 13-16, New Living Translation (which is great to put it into everyday terms!!!)
13 If you are wise and understand God’s ways, prove it by living an honorable life, doing good works with the humility that comes from wisdom. 14 But if you are bitterly jealous and there is selfish ambition in your heart, don’t cover up the truth with boasting and lying. 15 For jealousy and selfishness are not God’s kind of wisdom. Such things are earthly, unspiritual, and demonic. 16 For wherever there is jealousy and selfish ambition, there you will find disorder and evil of every kind.
13-16 sums it up best for me. Especially, "prove it by living an honorable life". There has been times lately that I have thought before I used my tongue, both in flesh and electronically. Is this what God would want from me? Does it show others that I am a Christian? I have stopped before I ignited a spark and prayed for God to give me the words of wisdom to do what is right. I have been amazed by what I have spoken or typed after those moments of clarity. I have tried so hard to take the moments when jealousy has taken me down a dark path and to look at all that I am blessed with instead of being bitter about what I don't. Jealousy is such a destructive behavior, a true weapon of the Devil's. There is nothing uplifting or healthy that comes from jealousy. Whether you are a Christian or not, jealousy only allows for more distruciton to break you down.
I find that some of the most destructive words are words from within. The unspoken thoughts we carry. These words can be about others....or ourselves. Each time we allow ourselves to be negative we slowly turn our lights off. We no longer shine. Ever be around someone who's tongue is negative about everything. What happens to you? Do you feel drained and exhausted? They sucked the light out of you because they can not see the light because they are wanting to see in the dark. I sometimes get around these people and just want to hug them. Tell them that they are loved and it will get better. I have my negative moments too. I truly hate myself in these moments and if I allow it to keep going.....it is very hard to get back on track and truly see what God has in store for me.
So I have been trying very hard to choose my words wisely. For myself and for others. Before I feel my tongue flap upon the roof of my mouth...before I feel my fingers click on my phone screen and before I hear my negative thoughts...I will use my filter and focus on what God wants me to do. Easier said than done...yes...I am human...but as long as I try with my whole heart I know that God will see me through.
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