So I have Blogger's Block. Which actually said out loud sounds like a disease. I wish there was a way that I could take these numerous thoughts in my head, through my fingers onto my screen. (Sigh, what ever happened to pen and paper) So I listened to the sermon on the computer today as we were not able to make it to church this past Sunday. I took notes and tried to have some thoughts come to me as to what to blog. But I'm sitting here, I have typed out the beginning of two thought processes...highlighted...then deleted. I promise I will tie this somehow to the sermon...maybe. So when in doubt...the best practice....brutal, raw, honesty.
Change is hard. With change in our lives we have stress. I don't handle stress well. I wish I could be one of those laid back, easy going people without a care in the world. Or to be able to handle my cares on a lighter note. This past week, I found that some of my stressors really didn't matter at all in the grand scheme of things. I believe that I put a greater importance on these things that didn't matter because I didn't want to deal with the big issues that stared me in the face. My rekindled relationship with my exhusband and my relationship with God.
They say it is cheaper to build a new house than to remodel one. Being that I have personally remodeled two homes in my past....I can attest that this statement is true. It is easier to have a new relationship with someone else than continue to work on one from the past. There is no dirt in a new relationship. With the old relationship, you have a foundation but there are so many obstacles that you either have to remove or work around. Remodeling has to also be a joint effort and all the while coexist during this rebuilding process. If you have ever lived in a home during a remodeling project....let me ask you.....how was your relationships with those in the house with you? Did you just begin to ignore that the hot water was nonexistent? Did you just accept that if you flickered the switch just right and jiggled the plug the coffee maker might work? You learn to accept the dust. Makes me think of the movie Money Pit...two quirky people, that had true love for each other, saw a grandeur picture, failed to really look to each other for help, everything crumbled around them including their relationship, but in the end the house is beautiful again and they are happily ever after. I swear God is going to break me before He puts me back together.....I failed to look to my ex for help, I failed to look to God. I am getting so wrapped up in all the other crap, all the stuff that doesn't matter.
I don't stop and ask for help. I am afraid to admit that I am weak. So I put on my armour, put up my fists and prepare for the worst. Then I grow distant and find it is easier to do it myself than to lean on the one person I am supposed to lean on. I think we can all say that we have that kind of relationship with God. Being the imperfect beings that we are. We get so wrapped up in the things that truly don't matter, we forget to look to God. When things get bad, we are broken and decide that it is time to look to the cross for some strength. So I feel broken.
I need to stop focusing on all the things that just don't matter. I need to step beside this person that I made a promise to in the past and work to rebuild this relationship. I need to stop feeling like I hold the hammer and the nail and ask for some help. Remembering that there is no "i" in Team for a reason. But it is allowing myself to be broken by God, allowing God to mold me and my partner into a strong foundation and home. But it is all part of change, of stress and of compromise. I hope that I am strong enough to do this. To let go and just be. I have to put God first and put an effort into working on this relationship. If God wants this to work, He will show me how to do this.
Great link to Joyce Meyer's on forgiveness...to move forward in any relationship this needs to be done....together. http://www.joycemeyer.org/articles/ea.aspx?article=six_ways_to_find_unforgiveness
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