A child lost their life this week. Ten years young. Not ten years old....old doesn't describe this child. He was one of those children that you admired for his courage and his love of life. He didn't care about the mean kids and he just want to experience everything possible. As a photographer, I want to capture everything possible. All the emotions, the greatness that is there. The beauty that we may miss because we are too busy with everyday life. At times this is overwhelming but I believe this why I'm usually exhausted after a great shoot. I've searched and inspected as many viewpoints as possible for that beauty, that love of life. Two years ago, this boy who is no longer with us on earth, was at a camp out with us and I had the chance to capture him with my camera. I never edited this footage as life got busy with demands of life and paying work. However, upon hearing about his death my heart knew that I had capture his being on camera. I knew it wasn't random photos.....I had captured HIM. His love of life had encapsulated me so that I wanted to capture this little man in his fullest. To my amazement, I had remembered the footage well and had gotten the moment so perfectly....not for others.....but for myself. He held a sign that said "Brave". Brave you are boy....may many learn from the memories they have of you. You will be missed.
Wonderment. Being a mother you never know how your children are going to react to these types of event in life. Where the hell is the instruction manual on parenting? Seriously, when they pop out, out should come the manual that is tailored to them!!! These things come up and you expect the worse, you just don't know. My oldest, 12, I believe cried when no one was around.....as his eyes were swollen. When I wrapped my arms around him at the funeral, asking him if he was ok, he just stated, "yes, this just happens and it is sad." So 12. I remember those years, removed. My youngest, 8, as he lined up with the other cub scouts, as this child was in cub scouts, seemed brave. I, being the observer glanced upon their faces.....distance, lost and concern. My heart just broke. My husband told me he shed some tears during the funeral and that was all. He was sad when he was told but over all he has handled it well. He knows at times that people get sick and they pass on and go to heaven. So why as a mother am I the one struggling with this. Probably because I know out there is a mother who didn't get an instruction manual either that said on this date....you don't get any more pages, your manual ends here. Put my heart on dry ice and shatter please.
Pain. Where do I start and how do I end? As I flew to MN this past week to help my mother drive to NC to relocate her vehicle here I had a slight pain of loss. MN was home for us for so long. I know I have plans to go visit a few good friends but that only happens every so often. I just felt like memories were being left behind. So many good, some not so great, but just that mold of MN that was part of us, I left in a small box placed on the side of the road. I didn't wrap it neatly. I felt like I just pushed it out to the side of the road. Safe and sound, it is, in the beautiful country side but it is there none the less.
So I would like to thank Pandora for playing all of my favorite hits to cry to. I think I have cried enough to fill a bucket this past week. Geez. Ridiculous. I could try to promise to write more, however.....it has been a year and a day since last time. So if it happens again.....we shall see. Until then...let every ray of sunlight warm your heart and feel its warmth upon your skin because life is toooooo damn short.
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