I feel the need to write....even though I'm not sure what I want to write about. My head is swimming with so many ideas, flavors and desires that I can't put my finger on one solid idea. I have been trying to make a morning ritual of reading a devotion or just reading the bible to enrich my mind and my walk with Christ. I find some days that is a struggle as I look around the house and view so many projects that need to be done. But I know the Devil sneaks in from time to time to distract us into not following Christ like we should. So this morning I felt as God called me to my new space. We converted a three season porch into an office. Four big and bright windows to let all the light in that God has shined every day. I grabbed my morning coffee and headed to the couch to watch some morning TV. Not a part of my usual routine however the kids have a snow day. But I stopped half way to the couch turned around and said NO, you should do something for Christ this morning. But what? My eyes lead to my new space and I opened the door and felt enlighten to surf the web for something to move me. Proverbs 31 is my usual go to and this morning it provided much needed fruit for my soul.
My main focus for this year is change. There are many aspects in my life that I want to change/improve. So the verse I read moved me so much that I continued to read.
“Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?” Isaiah 43:19a (ESV)
Yes, yes my heart shouted....change. As I continued to read God spoke to my heart and I knew what had to happen to truly change. The big F word. That is what I call it. FORGIVENESS. Yup, no four letter word here that is so easily to spill off our lips. Forgiveness is a long, difficult and much dissected word that we ponder. Years ago I blogged that to truly grow and change....we must forgive. I just shake my head by this small reminder.
Every few days thoughts pass through my mind about pains that I have caused others or they have caused to me. I begin to feel dirty, dark and raw. The longer I allow myself to think these thoughts the worse my outlook on moving forward becomes. I find it so interesting that we have such an easy tool that God has given us yet we are so afraid to use it. Afraid of what may happen if we just let go of dark, rooted, painful crap that fills our heart and mind. I feel like a Baptist when I say this......That is the Devil at work! The longer we don't utilize the tool of forgiveness the harder it gets for use to move forward in our swamp of disgust and dismay. The darker our skies get that we have such clouded vision and can't not see good in anyone.
But even though I know I need to forgive there are things in my heart I don't feel ready to forgive...but I believe it is because I can't name all of the pain and agony that particular individuals have caused me. So I think it is time for some writing therapy. Not to anyone else, not to them but to myself. I'm going to take time to write a letter to some folks that I feel are weighing heavy on my heart. Maybe I need to print them and hide them for times I need reminding...maybe not. The problem for me is I'm a very sensitive person and a very verbal person....I need to put words to how I feel rather than thoughts. I hope that with these writings that I am able to pray over them and let them go.
God has much change for me over this next year. As I'm sure He has much change for all of us. Let God work though you and forgive so that you can truly see what He has in store for you.
2 Corinthians 5:17, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!” (NIV)
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